Sing Me a Song Piano Punk

Last night, we were presented with the Billy Joel songbook, which contains a vast collection of rock, pop and bubblegum ballads. Most of the performers last night probably have never heard of Billy Joel or maybe they think he's some redneck named "Billy Joe".

In any event, you could definitely tell that some of the singers appreciated the artistry that is Billy Joel, and some didn't connect or even take the material seriously.

We were also subjected to the fashion expertise of the one and only Tommy Hilfiger, who coincidentily was in the news lately for running sweat shops in Bangladesh. Although, he has agreed to "upgrade" the facilities, it appears to only be in retrospect of being busted. Shame, shame, Mr. Hilfiger...

In addition, we have the musings and mastery of one "Diddy". I remember when his name was Puff Daddy. I wonder what happened to the Puff part. I'm thinking it's still there, just well hidden by his PR team.

So we are down to our Top Ten finalists. Funny how the best performers last night were the ones that stuck to their guns regarding fashion, hair and appearance. Bravo to you stubborn cats!

Without further ado, let's get to it...

Dirtlaundry Brackencrap: Only the Good Die Young - Let your hair flow, Rapunzel... this was the only good advice he got all night. Even so, the song was just "meh". His voice is grating on the ears and on the nerves. He was pitchy and forgettable. This song deserves better... D+

Erika Van PattyMelt: New York State Of Mind - Erika gets a total makeover in the hair and apparel categories and damn it worked. She killed this song in a good way. This is the song that propelled Kim Locke in season 2 to a top 3 finish and Erika matched her note for note. I think the new image will work for her, but let's hope America throws some much-deserved votes her ways... A

Josh Leadfoot: She’s Got A Way - Josh was clearly either unfocused or uninspired by the "Billy Joe" book of songs. He wasn't his usual soulful self. Probably his weakest performance to date. Still, he's miles ahead of Sanjaya I and II. However, Josh gave a flaccid performance and therefore gets a flaccid... C

Skylark Lemon: Shameless - Let's get one thing straight... Skyler did NOT do a Billy Joel song, she did a Garth Brooks song. Although, I applaud her craftiness to fit a Billy Joel song into her "wheelhouse" (as this seems to be the trendy word of the year), I am disappointed that it was such a copycat rendition of the Garth version. Like Josh, this was uninspiring and feeble. C+

Elise Testpilot: Vienna - Performance of the night and even
better than Erika. Not only did Elise choose to do her own song, but chose to also dress in a style of her own. Again, it worked brilliantly, as she portrtayed class and grace while belting out this original Billy Joel tune like nobody's business. She got a well-earned standing O by the judges and like Erika, she needs all the help she can get. America just can't get it right quite yet and keep sending Elise to the bottom... Get a clue, you fools! A+

Philly Cheese Phillips: Movin' Out - Great song choice and way to stick to the drab gray garb, man! The older performers are definitely confident in their own images and fashion choices, as true artists should be. Although appearance makes a difference in the business world, it doesn't make you a better singer. Philly was on fire last night with this tune and showed his true potential. He was embedded into this song and made it his own, like he wrote it himself... A

Holy Cavanaugh: Honesty - The good news... she looked awesome. That's it for the good news. Now the reality... This was Holly's worst performance of the season. She did not connect to the song at all, and oversung it, like she is in some unspoken, secret competition with Jessica to see who can out-diva the other. It didn't help that they put her on some big, weird pedestal, ottoman, hassock, whatever the hell you want to call it. The production was pompous and the vocal was superfluous. C

Heehaw Hand: My Life - Heehaw is becoming the Sanjaya of the show. He cannot be taken seriously as a singer. He is a performer, but more atune to stand up comedy or some goofy variety show where kids can dump goo and slime on his head. I believe that is where Heehaw is headed. Although the early changeup of the song was cute and cuddly, the performance was horrific and a travesty of epic proportions. His vocals have eroded to joke level, and the sad part is that he will continue to flourish on the merits of his goofiness. I will give him props for his
conversation with Hilfiger--that was funny. D

Jessica Sandwich: Everybody Has a Dream - Make no mistake, this was very good, but then again, she set her bar up pretty high a few weeks ago. I would agree with the judges for the most part that it was excellent, but it also reeked of over-indulgence. I believe this to be another example of not connecting with the song, and just diva-worship at a high level. She has the talent and chops to win this whole thing, but she needs to believe in the material. B+

Colt45 Dixon: Piano Man - Nothing like being in the money slot at the end of the show, especially if you can slay the song. Colton did just that and more. Again, he went his own direction, did his thing and blew the stinkin' doors off this song. Although Elise probably takes the night for best of, this was my favorite performance of the night. He connected to the song, made it unique and sung it like he felt something. And even if that hair cut is PUNKY, it works for him... A

Well there ya have it peeps... I dont' think I've ever given four "A" grades before, but we have ourselves a competition. It's too bad we can't eliminate Heyjune tonight, but yet have him stay
on the show for comedy purposes. That would be great--a win/win forsure.

Rankings for the night:

Elise

Colton

Erika

Philip

Jessica

Skyler

Holly

Josh

Dandruff (Sanjaya II)

Heehaw (Sanjaya I)

If everyone is on their game, this should be the best top 8 ever, from top to bottom. The remainder of the season will be interesting as contestants struggle with song choices and their own self-images. America needs to step up and keep the talent in the pool.

Bottom 3 should be Heehaw, Dandruff and Josh... However, I will bet that somehow, and injustly so, Erika or Elise will be there as well. Josh is going nowhere. I think Sanjaya II may be the one to go. If it is either of the E girls, the judges will use their save...

Until next week, rock on ya rubes!

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Metal Idol Goes Wylde

Tonight on Idol, we were treated to performances that showcased movie tunes. This could have gone sideways, which it did in a couple cases, or it could have kicked some serious @ss which it most definitely did at the end of the show.

But enough about the singing competition... we must first celebrate Jenny down the street's designation as the most beautiful woman in the world. Hat's off to ya, JLOWW!!! Was she not eating that up or what? She was glowing like a neon Schlitz sign at the local pool parlor all night long.
We are also warned again that we must vote for our favorites, or dare suffer the fate of poor Pia Tobasco, who got yanked from the Idol stages long before her time was due. Why? Yes, I was pretty peeved that Pia was presented with pinkslip before the likes of Joey and Jakub, but after I pondered the reasons why America crapped on itself, I figured it out. She did not have a "built-in" audience. The people that vote for Joey and the rest of the younger singers are because Idol's voting system is royally effed up. The tweens and teens are out in full force sending unlimited text votes to the wrong people! Limit voting to 10 votes per voting source, whether it is phone, text or internet. The technology exists! Pia's target audience is what? Guys in bars (according to Lips Tyler) and Pia's family. Sorry, but the chuckleheads in the bars are not voting.

Now, on to the show...

First up is Paul McChiclets - Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger: This was classic Paul. Looking like Bradley Cooper dressed like a magician at a Nursing Home. Same wispy thin voice and the teeth are whiter than liquid paper. The performance was just okay. I keep asking myself why he doesn’t sing any Paul Simon. B

Lauren Elcamino - The Climb by Ciley Myrus: Lauren can just flat out sing anything. If she can make a Hannah Montana Banana song sound decent, then she's alright in my book. Sorry Miley, you just got pwned! A-

Joey Tribiani Langone - End of the Road by Boomerang?: Perhaps it IS the end of the road for Joey. Time to go to "Central Perk" and have a skinny latte with Smelly Cat. Man, I did not see this coming... a ballad. Technically, again, it was good and I can't give him a FAIL, except for the fact that he fails to entertain me. I was not familiar with this song either. B-

Scotty McCountry - The Wrong Song by George Strait: I was BIG TIME disappointed that Scotty chose this yawner over the song he was rehearsing. Why Scotty why? Et tu Scotte? I am still shaking my head because his rehearsal song blew me away and then they tricked us into thinking that was going to be the one! Ugh, this was a letdown for me. B

Grizzly Abrams - Nature Boy by Nat King Coleslaw: This eclectic little ditty will either haunt him forever or sail him through to next week. Tough to call. I am betting that the teens will not be texting millions of votes for our favorite bear. I really admire the originality of this performance, but if the goal is to get votes, this might not be successful. A- (for having the berries to do his own thing)

Hailey Miniskirt - Call Me by Blonsky: The song definitely fits the personality and stage persona to a T. Unfortunately, the singing did not maintain that level of swankiness. The first note was cantankerous, and the rest of the song was good karaoke. Her momentum just hit a wall. Maybe if she wears an even shorter skirt next week (if she makes it), she can keep stealing votes. C+

Jakub Lush - Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkenstein: Jakub, you are a nice guy with a really big, fluffy @ss. And you have a great voice for large churches. However, your singing is making me want to fill my ears with Elmer’s Glue-All. Holy crap, I really want to like his singing, but I just cannot freaking do it. B-

James Daredevil Durbin - Heavy Metal by Sammy Hagar: And featuring Zach Wylde on guitar. I am so proud of James for standing up for what he believes in and picking dignity and originality over what JIMMY and Capt Autotune wanted him to do. A+ for attitude. James knows who he is and what he can do and he proved it tonight by kicking the living crap out of the competition. Yah I know, I'm a metal guy myself, so I am biased, right? Perhaps, but I think the way the crowd reacted and how the voting goes will prove that this performance was flawless from inception to execution. A

Now that is the way to end the evening. Once again, nothing was horrible, but song choice may come back on a couple of these yahoos.

Rankings for Movie Night:

James Danger Durbin
Lauren Alkaline
Grizzly Abrams
Paul McSqueaky
Scotty McCreaky
Joey McTribiani
Jakub McLush
Hailey McReinskirt

My bottom 3, NOT based on my rankings, but based on how America votes (idiots), is Hailey, Joey and Grizzly Abrams. I'm afraid that Grizzly might be going home because the risk he took to do his own thing may have cost him. Which is unfortunate.

Next week I am out of pocket, so an article may or may not be coming. I will be locked in a dungeon on the east coast for a week with no TV. I will try to "youtube" the show and hopefully squeak something out for y'all...


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