It's the freakin Top 12, and we are exposed to the new stage design by that little fart-sniffer Brine Seacrust. Of course we had to endure his bombastic yet montonous declaration that "THIS.......is American Idol!' again. He then proceeded to get under Simon Scowl's botoxed skin. Not sure what their deal was last night, but what a couple of nancys.
The other big announcement was that this was Lennon and McCartney songbook night. The money must have been right this time. I must say that this brought some much needed fresh air to the program and meant that we didn't have to endure another Arethra, Gladys, Celine or Whitney debacle. Thank YOU Idol Producers! I also noticed that the performers gave back their baseball pants to the Dodgers, and were actually dressed pretty appropriately.
THIS.... is your Top 12...
1. Sushi Marketo: Suisha looked better than ever, but she sounded pretty average on "Got to get you back into my life." It was serviceable and better than last week, but dull.
2. Jacuzzi Eazy: All I can say about McChicky is that this was pretty d@mn entertaining. I was impressed by the range of performance and the arrangement was unique. Is he finally getting it?
3. Schlemiel Mallubay: He stock has dropped like Enron. She ruled the Top 24, but now that it has been cut in half, so has her talent. She has a pretty voice, but it got stuck in the dregs of mediocrity. This performance of "in my life" had as much excitement as a plastic milk jug.
4. Drednaught Castrol: Jason is becoming one of my favorites. Normally this kind of song would put me to sleep, but he infused such an eclectic sound and vibe to what he does, it's infectious.
5. Carly Smithandwesson: Irish Cream of the Crop, folks! Absolutely brilliant. Her rendition of "come together" could be on the frickin' radio today. She reminded me of Kelly Clarkson, which was later validated by Simon, as he said likewise.
6. David Soulpatch Cook: At first, I didn't like how this "Elenor Rigby" started out. It seemed that the lyrics and music were going at different speeds. Then Cookie started kickin' @ss and takin' names and ended the song like he had a pair! NICE!
7. Babylon Brooke White: Another one of my favorites--like Castro, she feels the music and her performances are personal. Another absolutely sublime performance by our nutty nanny.
8. Strippy boy Hernanditz: What a farking fiasco. Dippendale dopey pranced around the stage like burlesque queen. His silly little runs and over-singing on "I saw her standing there" was downright grotesque.
9. Amana Colony Overmyer: She didn't look as good as last week, but almost sounded as good. I think she picked a good song (albeit one I never heard before), and it seemed to suit her grungy, dirty, rocknroll nasty chick persona.
10. Mikey Outback Long Johns: Pretty ho-hum, but decent rendition of "across the universe", but I'll give him props for not screaming at us on high notes. The song didn't have ANY high notes, of course, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
11. Krispy Creme Cook: "The other Cook" needs to butt out of the kitchen. This twangy nightmare of a Beatles classic makes Yoko Ono sound good. Krispy has proven to be nothing more than a redneck barbie. This was like a ghastly (as Simon would say) hillbilly wedding song.
12. David Plastic Archuletas: Two weeks ago, I called him Golden Boy. Now he is the boy in the plastic bubble. I think he had air bubbles on the brain as he marauded "we can work this out." Clearly, he CANNOT work this out, other than forgetting the lyrics, bungling, mumbling and stammering like a spoiled obese child wanting his buttercakes. It sounded like he had marshmallow pies stuck in his jowls as he flubbered about like a sleestack on qualudes.
Ok, so pretty good night, eh? Well for the most part, it was just aight. The last two performers were the worst of the evening, and it's not even close. Kudos to Idol for doing something different with the genres. Kudos to about four of the singers who made great impressions and Kudos granola snacks to the rest of the yahoos.
Rankings for Beatles Night:
1. Curly Smithson
2. Babbly Brooke
3. Dreadlock
4. The Cook that rocks
5. Mike Alice Springs Chicken Johns
6. Jacuzzi Floozy
7. Amana Radarange Overmyer
8. Sushi Mercado
9. Ramada Inn Mulaba
10. Chippendip Hernandouche
TIE:
12a. Krispy Kreme Cook
12b. Styrofoam Archuletas
Who's going home??? Well it won't be mushmouth Archuleta, so I would have to say the Cook is leaving the building. Or the Stripper... or Sushi Mercado? What do you think???
OUT
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