Last night's Idol show had our performers singing songs from the year they were born. Thanks a lot American Idol for making me feel like a f**king old man! In any event, I figured it would be a rehash of 80's week, which was true, except in the case of our resident Outbacker Michael Long Johns. He was born in the 70s, and thank goodness for that. More about that later...
Overall, the show was somewhat disappointing. Only a few decent performances and the rest were ho-hum. I actually had to replay Slowesha Mercado and Chexmix Eze's songs cuz I dozed off. As Simon would say, "Sorry!" and not really mean it. HA!
One of parts of the show I liked was the old pictures and video of these kids when they were little tykes and tykettes. That was pretty cool, for a change. The most annoying part of the show was listening to Randy Jerkson keep saying "pitchy". It is like a freaking broken record--is that the best they can come up with? "It was pitchy in parts", "it was pitchy at first", "it was a little pitchy", "started off a little pitchy", etc, etc. How about you get off your fat @ss and learn some new music terminology? I would normally not be so hard on dear Randy, but he was a forking blowhard last night. He must have ran out of frosting and cheese sauce.
Enough about Dr. Pitchyfit... Let's get to the contestants!
1. Romeo Lullaby: poor little Romeo---she was sick, which is another excuse for another blah performance. She has nine freaking lives! I'm pretty sure she will survive this week, but BARELY. Her rendition of Heart's Alone was flaccid in comparison to Carrie Underwood's or even Carlys... In addition, the shorts she was wearing made her look like Earl Campbell.
2. Jason Wolf-Eyes Castrate: Breadlocks has been one of my faves so far in the competition. However last night dropped him down a notch. Although "Fragile" is a nice Sting song, this made me just sit there with a blank expression. Cmon man--you can do better!! Jason MIGHT be in danger this week. Of course he probably don't care--have you ever seen a more easy-going cat?
3. Sussudio Mercotta: Back to the silly curly mickey mouse hair and back to boring me to mouse-ka-tears. Keep your hair straight, will ya? Her performance was like a shot of sleep-inducing morphine. She will probably stick around though.
4. Jacuzzi Eaze: Another song I never heard of (If only for One Night). I had to inject myself with adrenalin, caffeine, NoDoz, Jolt Cola, Espresso, and Chuck Norris DNA to stay awake during this snorecore. He had two good weeks that were completely undone by this slow, limp and listless performance. On top of that, he snapped back to the judges again. Jacuzzi may be in trouble!
5. Bumbling Brook White: She babbled uncontrollably last week, but this week was a bumble, as in she bumbled the beginning of that song. However, nice recovery and then she actually did a pretty good job on the song. If it wasn't for the bungling bumbling, it would be top 3. Brooke still needs to learn to shaddap after she is done.
Overall, the show was somewhat disappointing. Only a few decent performances and the rest were ho-hum. I actually had to replay Slowesha Mercado and Chexmix Eze's songs cuz I dozed off. As Simon would say, "Sorry!" and not really mean it. HA!
One of parts of the show I liked was the old pictures and video of these kids when they were little tykes and tykettes. That was pretty cool, for a change. The most annoying part of the show was listening to Randy Jerkson keep saying "pitchy". It is like a freaking broken record--is that the best they can come up with? "It was pitchy in parts", "it was pitchy at first", "it was a little pitchy", "started off a little pitchy", etc, etc. How about you get off your fat @ss and learn some new music terminology? I would normally not be so hard on dear Randy, but he was a forking blowhard last night. He must have ran out of frosting and cheese sauce.
Enough about Dr. Pitchyfit... Let's get to the contestants!
1. Romeo Lullaby: poor little Romeo---she was sick, which is another excuse for another blah performance. She has nine freaking lives! I'm pretty sure she will survive this week, but BARELY. Her rendition of Heart's Alone was flaccid in comparison to Carrie Underwood's or even Carlys... In addition, the shorts she was wearing made her look like Earl Campbell.
2. Jason Wolf-Eyes Castrate: Breadlocks has been one of my faves so far in the competition. However last night dropped him down a notch. Although "Fragile" is a nice Sting song, this made me just sit there with a blank expression. Cmon man--you can do better!! Jason MIGHT be in danger this week. Of course he probably don't care--have you ever seen a more easy-going cat?
3. Sussudio Mercotta: Back to the silly curly mickey mouse hair and back to boring me to mouse-ka-tears. Keep your hair straight, will ya? Her performance was like a shot of sleep-inducing morphine. She will probably stick around though.
4. Jacuzzi Eaze: Another song I never heard of (If only for One Night). I had to inject myself with adrenalin, caffeine, NoDoz, Jolt Cola, Espresso, and Chuck Norris DNA to stay awake during this snorecore. He had two good weeks that were completely undone by this slow, limp and listless performance. On top of that, he snapped back to the judges again. Jacuzzi may be in trouble!
5. Bumbling Brook White: She babbled uncontrollably last week, but this week was a bumble, as in she bumbled the beginning of that song. However, nice recovery and then she actually did a pretty good job on the song. If it wasn't for the bungling bumbling, it would be top 3. Brooke still needs to learn to shaddap after she is done.
6. Michael Olivia Fig Newton Johns: Thank you Mikey for being born in 1978! Not only is it closer to my age, but it also provided you with just the right song to get your sorry australian @ss back in the race! The "Rock You" part was just ok, but the "We are the Champion" section was masterful.
7. Snarly Smithson: First of all, one of my faves from Idols past Jessica Sierra did this song perfectly. Carly did just as well, if not better. I thought Randy Jerkson was unfair and quite picky (pitchy?) in his critique. Yah, ok her hubby is f**king creepy looking, but why punish her? Her horrid blue maternity dress she wore last week got her in bottom 3, so hopefully that trend will change.
8. Davey Farfegnugen: Golden Archie is still popular with the teenyboppers, but has gone down considerably with me. WHY? Because he picks horrible songs. What the f*** was that song he picked last night? It reminded me of some ghastly carnival with animated creatures running around. Ok, those are Simon's words, but they are indeed accurate. I personally felt, as the cheesy disco handclaps slapped my brain senselessly, as though I was watching a fake Disney movie, and Starchuletta's song was the theme. I was expecting Simba, Dopey, and Thomas the Tanked Engine to come out and dance on the stage. This was a circus of silliness.
9. Krusty Lee Kook: Nice patriotic song. It was just nice, nothing else to say. It was probably a smart choice for Krusty, but she is still a pretender.
10. David Daughtry Cook: Absolutely brilliant and executed to perfection. Cookie did "Billie Jean", but obviously not that weirdo Michael Jackson's version. You would have to be naive to think that Cookie is composing these himself. He is merely following the Chris Daughtry school of Song Choice Manipulation. He takes a remake of the original, and does that version. It works great and it fits his style. Some people call it cheating or bending the rules--I call it SMART COOKIE! Easily the best of the night...
Rankings for YEAR you were BORN:
1. Duh, Cookie Crisp
2. Mikey Johns
3. Snarly Smithson
4. Bungled Brooke
5. Susudio Mercardo
6. Davey Scorchaletta
7. Krusty Lee Kook
8. Jason Castrate
9. Romeo Mullberry
10. Chick McGee Eze
I think the bottom 3 will be just how I have them, with Chickadee or Romeo getting the boot. Personally, I think it SHOULD be Krusty, but she will be spared one more week by the redneck horse and gun people, as well as he unabomber's support circle.
OUT
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