I was expecting Jane Fonda and Dabney Coleman to make cameo appearances last night on Dolly Night. Perhaps tonight on the "Get your @ss outta here" show.
Dolly Parton, who is about 90 years old was our interim mentor on last night's show. Through the marvels of modern chemistry, time travel, quantum physics, etc, they made her look like she was 30. To her credit, she was very pleasant, kind and was sugary sweet towards the contestants. Dolly is just AIGHT with me ya'll!
However, when it came to the theme of last night, I was a bit confused. Was it country night, or heart-felt song night? What the he11 kind of genre is that? I knew this would not be a flavah I would savah, as both those styles do nuttin' for me. My fears were realized when after the night was over, I was like, "that show sucked." It went from boring to lame to mundane. The singers seemed to do alright for the most part, but the material had all the excitement of liquid paper drying.
So here we go for our Final 9...
1. Shut the F*** up Brooke: About as corny as hash. This reminded me of that sunshine song she did a couple weeks ago with that ghastly yellow zootsuit. And this time we had a ghastly violin player. As Brooke was getting dissed by the judges, she continued to babble back and forth, making me, and I'm sure countless others either uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.
2. Braveheart Cook: Daveheart, if you haven't heard, had to be rushed to a hospital after his song with heart palpitations and high blood pressure (he is fine now). Not only was he the only one remotely close with a "wow" factor last night, but he did while his chest was about ready to explode. Can we just give him the prize now?
3. Lame-iele Mullberry: Another weak-@ssed performance from someone who has really slid since the beginning. I think her confidence has been permanently damaged by this experience. She can sing, but her soft parts last night were barely audible which made the rest of the song suffer.
4. Fidel Castro: Dreadlock Holmes did a pretty good job on "Traveling Through" which is yet another song I never heard of. I am starting to wonder where the he11 they are getting these songs. However, he did a good job as his elixir-like voice wrapped around this tune. He also showed a little more range than usual.
5. Maternity Smithson: Carly needs to stop wearing those trailer-park influenced outfits and start dressing better. That getup was atrocious and Simon was absolutely right to call her out on it. That being said, I thought it was a fantastic rendition of the only Dolly song I can recognize. Oh, and stop showing her husband in the audience---he is so scary, I had to hide under my blanket, until it was safe to come out again.
6. Starchuleta: The aw shucks kid put up a really good vocal performance and it would appear that he has found his niche. It does nothing for me, but it was still good. This just shows how much I am not a fan of this style of music.
7. Kristy is Cooked: This girl has 9 lives. She should have been gone weeks ago, but because she is the lone "country" girl, she will continue to make my ears bleed another week. Nice timing doing country week--it just guarantees she will dis-grace us with her presence longer. And what was up with that gaffy little exchange with Simon at the end?
8. Sloweesha Mercury: Tackled Whitney Houston (who are we kidding--this was a Whitney copy, not Dolly). In any event, I've heard better and I've heard worse. I just wish that I would never have to hear this f***ing song again. It should be banned from the show.
9. Mighty Mike Johns: Best for last? He came pretty close. Another impressive outing for Aussie-boy this week. Let's see if he can continue the ride into next week. Although, I haven't ever heard this song, it was one of maybe three that got my attention.
Overall, I really didn't care for the show last night. Hated the songs and quite frankly, never heard of most of them. Thank goodness for David Cook for at least trying to add his own element .
Ratings for Sappy Country Song night:
1. Cookie Crisp
2. Mikey Johns
3. Carly Goodwill Smithson
4. David Parchuleta
5. Dreadlock
6. Babbling Brooke
7. Slowesha
8. Krispy LEE
9. Lame-ielle
I think the bottom will be Lamielle, Krispy (again), and maybe Castro or Carly in other hot seat.
I'm thinkin we say buh-bye to Lamielle tonight.
OUT
Dolly Parton, who is about 90 years old was our interim mentor on last night's show. Through the marvels of modern chemistry, time travel, quantum physics, etc, they made her look like she was 30. To her credit, she was very pleasant, kind and was sugary sweet towards the contestants. Dolly is just AIGHT with me ya'll!
However, when it came to the theme of last night, I was a bit confused. Was it country night, or heart-felt song night? What the he11 kind of genre is that? I knew this would not be a flavah I would savah, as both those styles do nuttin' for me. My fears were realized when after the night was over, I was like, "that show sucked." It went from boring to lame to mundane. The singers seemed to do alright for the most part, but the material had all the excitement of liquid paper drying.
So here we go for our Final 9...
1. Shut the F*** up Brooke: About as corny as hash. This reminded me of that sunshine song she did a couple weeks ago with that ghastly yellow zootsuit. And this time we had a ghastly violin player. As Brooke was getting dissed by the judges, she continued to babble back and forth, making me, and I'm sure countless others either uncomfortable or just plain annoyed.
2. Braveheart Cook: Daveheart, if you haven't heard, had to be rushed to a hospital after his song with heart palpitations and high blood pressure (he is fine now). Not only was he the only one remotely close with a "wow" factor last night, but he did while his chest was about ready to explode. Can we just give him the prize now?
3. Lame-iele Mullberry: Another weak-@ssed performance from someone who has really slid since the beginning. I think her confidence has been permanently damaged by this experience. She can sing, but her soft parts last night were barely audible which made the rest of the song suffer.
4. Fidel Castro: Dreadlock Holmes did a pretty good job on "Traveling Through" which is yet another song I never heard of. I am starting to wonder where the he11 they are getting these songs. However, he did a good job as his elixir-like voice wrapped around this tune. He also showed a little more range than usual.
5. Maternity Smithson: Carly needs to stop wearing those trailer-park influenced outfits and start dressing better. That getup was atrocious and Simon was absolutely right to call her out on it. That being said, I thought it was a fantastic rendition of the only Dolly song I can recognize. Oh, and stop showing her husband in the audience---he is so scary, I had to hide under my blanket, until it was safe to come out again.
6. Starchuleta: The aw shucks kid put up a really good vocal performance and it would appear that he has found his niche. It does nothing for me, but it was still good. This just shows how much I am not a fan of this style of music.
7. Kristy is Cooked: This girl has 9 lives. She should have been gone weeks ago, but because she is the lone "country" girl, she will continue to make my ears bleed another week. Nice timing doing country week--it just guarantees she will dis-grace us with her presence longer. And what was up with that gaffy little exchange with Simon at the end?
8. Sloweesha Mercury: Tackled Whitney Houston (who are we kidding--this was a Whitney copy, not Dolly). In any event, I've heard better and I've heard worse. I just wish that I would never have to hear this f***ing song again. It should be banned from the show.
9. Mighty Mike Johns: Best for last? He came pretty close. Another impressive outing for Aussie-boy this week. Let's see if he can continue the ride into next week. Although, I haven't ever heard this song, it was one of maybe three that got my attention.
Overall, I really didn't care for the show last night. Hated the songs and quite frankly, never heard of most of them. Thank goodness for David Cook for at least trying to add his own element .
Ratings for Sappy Country Song night:
1. Cookie Crisp
2. Mikey Johns
3. Carly Goodwill Smithson
4. David Parchuleta
5. Dreadlock
6. Babbling Brooke
7. Slowesha
8. Krispy LEE
9. Lame-ielle
I think the bottom will be Lamielle, Krispy (again), and maybe Castro or Carly in other hot seat.
I'm thinkin we say buh-bye to Lamielle tonight.
OUT
1 comment:
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