Welcome to Boredway!

THIS.... is American Insomnia! Last night we were abused by the tiresome sounds of Broadway as our contestants belted out hard-rocking show tunes from Pottsy Webber. Was that Ralph Malph I saw in the audience? Ok, with all due respect to Andrew Lloyd Weber, this was not a show I was looking forward to. Really, I was just curious as to see how Cookie Crisp would do with this genre.

Was it me, or did Paula look absolutely whacked out of her skull? Her hair and makeup were kabuki style with the big red rouge cheeks. Her long-windedness with each contestant bordered on lunacy and filled a steaming pot of verbal empty calories.

In any event, we have the Top 6 doing their best to be Broadway stars--thank goodness for TIVO/DVR because having to watch commercials on top of this borefest would have sent me over the edge...

1. Screecha Mercado: She actually did pretty good here, and goes in my top 2. I want so badly to root against her, but she earned her way to another week. Obviously, this theatrical music stuff is right up her alleyCATS. See you on Broadway Screechy! And thanks for dropping the Doll-head hair for the week.

2. Stony Castro: Holy Dred Lox! Talk about unfreakingcomfortable. What a struggle for our young wolf-eyed stoner. Definitely not his style and way out of his zone. He will be a bottom-dweller tonight, thanks to the geniuses that put this show together. Maybe Pottsy could have helped him pick a more suitable song?

3. Brooke, "no wait, sorry" White: What the f***? "I will sing when I'm good and ready!" Does Bubble-head Brooke think this is a game of Duck-Duck-Goose and can call "do-over!" anytime she wants? This is live TV man!!! This is the second time this has happened--not acceptable on a show of this magnitude. She did recover nicely, but too little too late. Bottom Dweller--"DO OVER!"

4. Daddy's Boy Archuleta: First of all, his dad is creepy. I bet he makes young Bear-hair do vocal training exercises 24x7. Starchy did, you guessed it, a tender ballad. Oh the girlys loved it. I did not. I agree with Simon Scowl here--very forgettable and mundane. Show something new and interesting, you lip-licking, one trick pony keg.

5. Curly Smithson 2.0: Curly has had a style makeover and now cannot be made an example of. However, she still has that annoying constipated look of distress when she belts out the high notes. Her performance of Jesus Christ Superstar was at least peppy and entertaining, but I was distracted by those facial tics. If Starchy has to open his eyes, then Curly has to stop the exlax face. Her Simon t-shirt and the close-up of her significantly inked up other puts her at risk tonight.

6. Da Cook: The only performance that was worth remembering for me. I wasn't sure he could pull this off, but he did. There were some weird parts at the beginning, but overall, it was excellent and different. If he can sing this gibberish, then he should be able to cruise the rest of the way.

In sum, the bookend performers did the best. It was like a sandwich with really good bread, but with rancid meat and moldy condiments. Cookie and Screechy were by far the best performers last night. The middle four were boring and had me snoring.

Rankings for Pottsy Webber night:

1. David Whaz Cookin!
2. Sloesha
3. Curly SmithandWesson
4. Bear-hair Archuleta
5. Bumbling Brooke
6. Dreaded Lock Jason

I am thinking the bottom 3 are going to be: Jason, Brooke, Curly

No DO OVERs tonight, Babbler--you are gone!!!! (but it would not be a shocker if ANY of the three go)


OUT