I never thought I would actually do a “Year in Review” article for a blog or any other respectable publication. It’s just too much caterwauling for the amount of real estate on this page. However, 2007 should not get off so easy. Here are a few musings on the happenings of last year and how they may have affected us.
Cable-tastrophe
The year 2007 gave us TV strikes and cable wars. It gave us entertainment, but made us pay dearly for it. If you wanted to watch CBS and you were a cable subscriber, you might recall picking up your snazzy rabbit-ears antenna from the local cable company. In the age of electronic and wireless gadgetry, we had to revert to 1970’s technology to watch Survivor and Andy Rooney. To further blacken the eye of cable TV, there is the ongoing quibble between the cable company and The Big Ten Network. The football season, as forgettable as it was, came and went, and no deal was struck. Now basketball season has begun, and still no deal! Talk about Technical Foul! Is the cable company the villain here? Well I’m sure there are multiple parties with their hand in the money jar, but in the end, the consumer loses. New Year’s Resolution for Cable TV: Get your act together and give us a reason to keep subscribing. What happened to customer service?
Fender Benders
What has happened to our driver’s education programs that find us fearing for our safety and for the safety of our loved ones? The amount of auto accidents in 2007 was quite significant when compared to previous years. The problem with driver’s ed is they do not teach young drivers how to navigate their vehicles while tuning their IPODs and text-messaging their friends. Teens are going to do this, unless you don’t give them a car. It’s a never-ending battle in that a parent must choose between the convenience of not having to haul the kids around, and piece of mind of knowing that they are not behind the hazardous wheel-o’-danger. New Year’s Resolution for Teen Drivers: Stop being a menace and pay for your own freaking insurance!
Food Poison
While food in and of itself is not poisonous, it can be dangerous if not handled properly. And by that I mean we are a country of fatty boomba-laddies. There has been a disturbing trend of obesity over the last 20 years. It has gone from 15% to 30%, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. Why is this happening? Two words: Dollar Menu. You can down three double cheeseburgers for $3. That’s about 1500 calories of mostly fat and sugar. Oh, and the salads you order require an odometer to count those calories. New Year’s Resolution for the Food Industry: Quit having skinny celebrities who diet on celery and cigarettes pitch your lardy products—it’s a sham!
Toy Story
Earlier this year, toy manufacturer Mattel recalled 9 million foreign-made toys, including popular Barbie, Polly Pocket and “Cars” movie items, and warned that more could be ordered off store shelves because of lead paint and tiny magnets that could be swallowed. This is really quite disturbing—lead paint? How does this get by the Quality Control folks? What’s next in the line of toys? Radon Gas Cabbage Patch Doll? Carbon Monoxide Mouseketeer set? Or perhaps the Electrocute-Me Elmo? New Year’s Resolution for the Toy Industry: If it’s on the Periodic Table of Elements, leave it alone!
On, Iowa!
Or more like “off” Iowa. The 2007 Iowa Hawkeye football team laid a big egg last season (and the season before last as well). The team was very inconsistent, except when it came to disappointment. When the Hawks needed a win against a low level mid-conference team to secure a bowl game, they looked more like hens than hawks and finished the season with a whimpering tweet. The Hawks need a shot of something to get that spark, that attitude back! Does Bob Sanders have any eligibility left? Let’s hope that Kirk Ferentz gets this thing back in tip-top shape. New Year’s Resolution for the Hawks: Try something new, something fresh, something unexpected. And to you players….stay out of trouble for cryin’ out loud!
Darwinism on the Net
People do and say the darndest things, most of the time in the comfort of their own private surroundings. It’s okay to be unique, eclectic or even goofy. However, one must question the intelligence of portraying brash and/or tasteless behavior on the likes of Facebook, MySpace or Youtube. This year, we saw videos of a guy lighting fireworks out of his rear-end (which did not end well), and pictures of underage college kids holding up wads of cash and bottles of alcohol, which I’m sure made their parents proud. Honorable mention goes to all those videos of kids jumping off their roofs with their skateboards, only to wind up in the ER. New Year’s Resolution to Internet Show-offs: Keep it up—it’s entertaining!
And lastly…
Ho-Ho-Horrible
Again, another year of crappy Christmas movies. Fred Clause? Ok, the Vince Vaughn train of limited talent has left the station. I don’t remember any recent Christmas movies worth their weight in gold, frankincense and myrrh. I think the last one had Chevy Chase and Cousin Eddy. There is a reason why they play “AChristmas Story” (the one with the kid in the glasses who wants a Red Ryder bb gun) for 24 hours straight—it’s the only good Christmas movie in existence! Alright, I exaggerate, but c’mon—we are getting scrooged out of good holiday entertainment. New Year’s Resolution for Christmas movies: Free spiked eggnog for anyone who watches!
Happy Holidays and enjoy 2008!
