Thursday, May 26, 2011

Is there a Priest in the House?


The 11th season of Idol is in the books… What have we learned and what have we taken away from this season? The Finale show last night was superb, as they have been the past several seasons. If you don’t choose to watch the show weekly, you should catch the finale anyway.

Once again, the big hitters showed up to perform (mostly) live and again, we have some amazing duets and lots of surprises.

As I defiantly stated, I was not interested in the showdown between Scoddy and Laurena. My understanding is that there were six country songs and Lauren actually had the better night. However, that would have just added to my disdain for the voting process as Scoddy has won every week by a landslide for several weeks (according to DialIdol.com). This week was no exception. So the results of the show last night were a foregone conclusion for me and I just wanted to enjoy the show for the other performances. And not just the performers, but the juggheads as well… We got to hear RJAXX rinse and repeat the phrase “in it to win it!” about six thousand times. Perhaps next year, we get a Randy doll to sit in, the kind with the pull string on the back, and have it say “in it to win it” and “it was pitchy”. The show could save some money that way. JLOW’s bit was cheesy, and Tyler’s bit was hilarious. The addition of LIPS and JLOW was great for the show.

On to the performances, and I’m not sure these are in order or not, so bare with it!

Group performance by everyone: I haven’t seen this much cheese since I visited that Wisconsin deli. All the posturing, posing, crotch-grabbing and other unsavory shenanigans was one big fondue pot of molten limburger. C+

And then Durbin gets to perform with one of my favorite bands of all time, Judas Priest! I had wondered out loud on several occasions before the show if the Priest would show up, and here they are! Total kick@ss performance and show by the British metal band. Keep in mind, these guys are 62 yrs old. Take that ya jackanapes! A+

Then Jakub Lush comes out with his flubbercheeks, and I didn’t hesitate for one second to fast-forward through the whole thing. I have earned the right to fast-forward anything that this goofstick sings, as I had to critique the horrid sounds that were emanating from his vocal septic tank all season long. F-

Grizzly Abrams and Jack Black: This was vocally, AWFUL. This duet was funny and very entertaining, but if you were to grade singing, it would get a D- … However, it was a neat diversion from the pressure of competition and I was still on a natural high from the freedom and relief of fast forwarding past Jakub Lush. B-

Girls doing a medley of stuff… It was fine, not sure if it was live or not—they all sounded too good. I’m a bit suspicious. To be honest, I forgot most of the girl’s names, but then again, I am not good with actual names. Most of the girls got eliminated too early so there ya go. B

Oh yah, and Beyonce came out with the ladies and showed them how do it right. A



Haley and Tony Bennett: Haley rocked and didn’t get enough exposure last night. She should have been in the final. Her duet with Tony was spot-on and all the other times she was highlighted, she showed everyone that she belonged in that finale. I’m hangin’ this on the producers and it should be a scream for help to install a new voting system…. A

Scoddy and McGraw: It was decent, well sung, nice chemistry. It smelled of leather and Marlboros. It had a brokeback mountain vibe to it. Nicely done… B

Marc Anthony with dirty dancing by JLOW… The singing was meh…. And in Espanol… Sheila E is in the house—she must be about 60 yrs old, but can still beat the skins. JLOW and her famous uhhh Dairy Air were proudly on display and made me wonder what their home life is like… B+

Guys with Tom Jones: What’s new pussycat? Having Durbin sing that made me laugh. Seeing Tom Jones made me chuckle a little as well. The ladies got Beyonce, who is current, and the guys get Tom Jones who they had to break out of a museum to show up. Tom Jones is so old, when he went to school, there was no such thing as a History class. C+

Lady GAGA: We finally get the live performance that we thought we were going to get a couple weeks ago. She is hugely talented and weird at the same time. Her wardrobe choices are beyond the boundaries of earth. However, the lady can sing, and play a piano like no one’s business. I respect that and I admire her for never having to use the godforsaken auto-tune! Thank YOU!! The song was cool, the production was slick, but my only criticism was that guy who was molesting her on the fake mountain. I wish he would have fell into a vat of molten cheese. A for Gaga… F for that chucklehead at the end.

Laurena and Carrie Spraytan Underwood: Nice sassy performance by both, although Carrie looked like she’s been fasting for two weeks—c’mon eat something, Underwood! Lauren held her own and will go on to be successful in the hee-haw world. A-



Beyonce Part Deux: Hmmmm, how does one guest singer get two different spots on the show? As much as I respect Beyonce, I have to say that this song caused emotional distress and excruciating discomfort. I had to take qtips to get all the sap out of my ears after that aural contamination. D+





U2 with Spiderman: by this time, it is obvious that everything is a promotion for something else. Oh wait, I figured that out in the first minute. It was decent with the funky acrobatics and whatnot. The song was well done. Does that Edge guy ever NOT wear a hat? I wonder if he has an exposed brain, perhaps born without a skull? The spider-kiss with JLOW at the end was an epic FAIL. B+

Steven Tyler (Lips): The old goat still has the chops and who knew he could play the piano? At age 87, he can still screech like Phyllis Diller on nitrates. Super good, fantastic… it was *****ing great! A

So now it’s time to announce the winner. So far, great concert for an hour and 45 minutes, and finally the results. Of course, we all know it’s Scoddy the Botty! Sure enough, to no one’s shock and haw, McCreery wins it hands down. Scotty, you Alfred E Newman lookin’ hillbilly!


Congratulations country boy!

It was a promising season, with great talent and cohesive judges. For the most part, it was fair and impartial, until the end when Durbin and Haley went home prematurely. In addition, Jakub overstayed his welcome by about six weeks. Voting limitations will be the only way this gets fixed.

So thanks everyone for your comments and feedback. I truly enjoy the banter. What do YOU think of Season 11???


OUT





Thursday, May 19, 2011

Trippin on Zeppelin

First of all, we lost Durbin last week--I know, I know... some of you are glad, and some of you vowed to drink paint before you ever watch Idol again. Personally, I was disappointed. He brought a different genre to light on Idol that has never been seen before and performed it well.

And now he's gone... and we have two country singers and a rock/jazz fusion goddess left. To prevent this from becoming Nashville Idol, I am hoping that Haley stays alive to face Scoddy the Scooder McCooter in the finale. Did she do enough to ensure that spot in the final two?

The format for the night is singer's choice, Jimmy Bovine's choice and Juggheads' choice... Three songs for each performer. We also have Beyonce, who is there for moral support and positive feedback.


So here we go, starting with...

Scoddy McCooter - Amazed by Lonestar: I wasn't amazed at the song or the performance, but it was typical Scoddy. Maybe this was HOT for you country fans, I am just not feeling it. Scoddy is so good at singing country songs, it almost seems to easy. B+


Laurena Alien - Wild One by Faith Hill: Again, another country song--this is going to be a long night! Like Scoddy, Lauren is very solid and capable of singing great country music. No exception here, but as I write this today, I can barely remember this performance! B

Haley Risinghart - What is and What Should Never Be by Led Zeppelin: Wow, the song choice by Haley blew me out of the water. But how would she perform? How about SMOKIN HOT! This was one of those performances that I will never forget. And no, not cuz she fell down! To top it off, her dad shredded on the axe with his own daughter in front of millions--can it get better than that? A

HERE'S JIMMY!!! Time for the perpetual HAT-head to pick some good songs! Jimmy Jimmy Coco Puff!

Scoddy - Are you Gonna Kiss Me or Not by Meh Country Band: Scoddy is sportin the guitar on this song. That, and his googly eyes are all that I can recall about this performance. B

Lauren - If I Die Young by Band Perry: It's supposed to be a hurtful downer of a song, but peppy Lauren will make it upbeat! Other than missing a "key change" (in her own words), the song was fine. Not blown away by Lauren yet, how will she do on #3? B-

Haley - Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac: Good song choice, but someone did this song last season and they failed to impress - let's see How Haley fares... and the verdict is? Fantastic! Take that, Redneck Idol! By this time, I am firmly in Haley's corner and hoping she can pull out a WIN! BTW, great use of the smoke and wind machine! B+

Before we move to Juggies'choices, we must first witness a portion of Beyonce's new music video, which is an interesting mix of Spartacus meets Mad Max. She even blows up a car with her mind powers. How about you blow up Seacrest's arms a bit--they are looking a little shriveled lately.

In any event... on to the Chucklehead choices!

Scoddy - She Believes in Me by Kenny Rogers: Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low... Oops, that was Scoddy's dad! Hey how bout another country song, and make it a ballad too! Right on sirs! The chorus brought Scotty out of his lower register comfort zone, but it sounded forced and unnatural. He still did a decent job with it, and will be in the Finals cuz gramma said so. B

Lauren - I Hope you Choke by Leann Womack: Shocker! Country Song! Honestly, I was almost sleeping when this song was performed. I can only take so much sappy hee-haw music and then it all sounds like white noise with chaps and spurs. I think this was slightly better than her other songs, but overall, a pretty average night. B+

Haley - You Oughtta Know by Alannis Morissette: SWEET--love this song and I have wanted her to sing this all season. First, we gotta edit out the nasties, of course. Started the song a little on the soft side, maybe a little too soft. However, when the chorus and angry parts came up, she smoked 'em! YOU, YOU, YOU! Oughtta Know that Haley is I I T W I !!!!!!! A-

Rankings for Tri-fecta Night:

Haley
Scoddy
Lauren

In my opinion, Haley is the clear winner. She picked the best song, and she successfully sang whatever else they threw at her. Scotty and Lauren didn't leave their comfort zones at all, and quite frankly, they were boring (for me). I am thinking a Haley/Scotty finale is in the making, and that would be pretty cool. A Scotty/Lauren finale would be disastrous. Nothing against Lauren, but only enough room for one country kid.

So long, blue-eyed Lauren. We will miss your Prom and Pirate's dresses, and your spitt'n image Mom and the 300 other members of your family.

Haley vs Scotty for the big mozzarella!!! Until next week...


OUT

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Gaga me with a Spoon

It's Final Four night, but without the basketball players and March Madness hoopla. In fact, the only hoopla is how Lady Gaga's makeup can get any freakier. So the themes tonight are "Inspirational Songs" and some songbook by small balding man in front row. I was thinking that we may be in for a long night if song choice becomes an issue, as it oftentimes does. At this stage of the game, you better be bringing the performance and picking great songs. This, unfortunately, didn't happen.

The night started off promising as we hear that Durbin is going to be doing some Journey as his inspirational number. So here we go...

James "hips" Durbinator - Don't Stop Believin by Journey: It was a matter of time before Durbin did RJAXX a tribute by doing a Journey song and he did this one right. Great performance, including the Journey shirt, tails, lunchbox and video game. Ex-Journey bass player Randy eats it up (along with a lot of pizzas). The judges loved it, the crowd ate it up and James proved that he was back from an ungood performance last week. A

Helly Grindhart - Earth Song by Michael Jackson: Dear lord, Hailey, you either hit it out off the park or you blow yourself up like pop rocks in soda can. This was the latter. The judges were harsh (except Lips, who must be conditioned like the guy in Clockwork Orange to not say or do anything negative). I agree with RJAXX and JLOWW--poor song choice and confusing as to her direction as an artist. Clearly frustated, she talked a little smack back to Randy (not good). I applaud that the song was inspirational to her, but this is a freakin' competition--gotta go for the win baby! C

Scoddy the Botty McQuery - Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning by Hillbilly Jackson: Yukkety Yuk... a song about 9/11. Again, I respect the personal inspiration that Scoddy has from this song, but I personally didn't care for it. Songs that imply that one is not political, are political, and with recent events, this was a golden opportunity to display the old red, white and blue. Smart move by McQuery, but to me, not entertaining and not inspiring. Just sayin! B-

Laurena Bobbit Alaina - Anyway by Martina McBride: Meh... Another snoozer country song that I never heard of. Great dress though--Hey Lauren, Cap'n Jack Sparrow is looking for his wardrobe! Maybe if she would have worn an eye patch, the song would have inspired more. She sang good enough and I think did enough to beat Haley in this round. B

Before Round Two starts, SeaKrust must first embarrass the performers by standing them up like kindergarteners in front of the judges to get an early feel for where they stand. Of course JLOWW and Lips take the high road, but RJAXX hits Haley right in the bread basket with his "3 way tie" remark... Nicely done Chuckles.

Round Two: Songs by the Law Firm of Lieber, Stoller, Cheatem and Howe

To further confuse things, they throw the order of singers out of whack and we start with Haley:

Haley Blackhart - I Who Have Nothing by Edith Pilaf: Rice who? As Haley often does, she slays this song after an earlier misstep. I wasn't sure how this would go after she started, but after digesting the overall performance, I thought it was masterful. For Pete's sakes, Haley, can you not pick two good songs in a row? I'm rooting for Haley to get to the final three, but not convinced that she's done enough overall. A

Scooty McTooty - Young Blood by the Coasters: His banter with Gaga was great and gross at the same time. His performance was silly and borderline clown-like. His insane eye movements coupled with his alligator arms made him look like an escaped inmate from the nut factory. But it was much more fun than his previous number, so I'll give him props for not being boring and dry. B

Cap'n Jack Alaina - Trouble by Elvis: Yes, Miss Wholesome, we know you aren't "really" evil, so just play the role and have some fun. Lauren actually did a sweet job with this song and played it out like she should have. The performance was good and she didn't seem so nervous this time. Her and Haley are going to battle for 3rd place I think after tonight. B+

Hippy James Durbin - Love Potion #9 by Elvis Presley: In the rehearsal, it appeared that this might be Crap Potion #10. However, they turned it into a rock song and Durbin did his thing. Does anyone else notice that Durbin has big-ass hips? At any rate, it was a solid performance, although it got a little weird and indulgent at the end. B+

Rankings for Uninspirational Songs:

Durbin
Lauren
Scoddy
Haley

Rankings for small bald man Songs"

Haley
Durbin
Lauren
Scoddy


Overall, it doesn't matter as I believe that it's a James vs Scotty finale. Lauren or Haley will go home Thursday. I believe that Haley's inconsistency and talking back to the judges will doom her and she will probably be the one who goes. Grizzly Abrams will be waiting with open arms and stinky beard.

At least we don't have to listen to Jakub anymore.


OUT

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Jakub Lusk: Not in it to win it

In a new wrinkle on theme nights, the Idol gang gets to sing songs from "then" and "now." Something old, something new, something boring, something blew. We also have dubiously impeccable song advisor Jimmy Bovine and Sheryl Crow to help the kids out in their time of need. The performers get to do two songs each, so unfortunately, we have to listen to Lusk treat our ears to audible waterboarding multiple times
.

According to RJAX, it's time to show whether or not "you are in it to win it." We will hear this phrase on more than once occasion on this night...sigh.

So first up is our resident rock god, King James of Durbinville.

Durbinator: Closer to the Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars - Judging by James' attire, I assumed we would be in store for some hard rockin' metal, but instead Durbin opted for some radio-friendly comtempo-schmaltz to entertain us. Personally, I thought it was his weakest performance to date and didn't care for it at all. It was a bit "pitchy" and lacked authenticity. I am already looking forward to his second song and redemption. B

Jakub Lush: No Air by Jordin Sparks - Man, do I really have to listen to this? Lush has so jumped the shark in this competition, that he is becoming Sanjaya-like. If he makes it to next week, especially after this flaccid and conflicted performance, I will be unshocked and unfazed, but disappointed as hell. C-

Lauren Elaine Bennes: Flat on the Floor by Carrie Fisher Underwood - Not quite Underwood, but dressed to play the part. This was good, but not great. I still think something is holding her back from just flat out killing a song (in a good way). I still think she has a slight confidence issue and is afraid to fail. Although Randy said she is "in it to win it" (ugh), I think she is in it to not lose it. By the way, can someone please throw that fiddler off a roof??? He was bogarting Lauren's camera time with his barbaric stage movements. Fiddler - D- Lauren - B+

Scoddy the Body: Gone by Montgomery Gentry - How about we change that title to "Jakub is GONE by Montgomery Ward." Scoddy is all over the place on this performance, literally. He is using the stage as his personal rodeo grounds and is entertaining as hell for once. The vocal was good, but he got the crowd in a frenzy too. Again, Randy says Scoddy is "in it... blah blah blah... A-

Haley Bravehart: Unreleased song by Lady GaGa - Haley has some balls to take on an unknown song by GaGa but I commend her for it. I disagree with the judges and thought her performance was both technically sound and spirited. Song choice was not the best, but at least she performed it well. B+

DING DING Round TWO!

Dangerous James Durbin: Without You by Harry Nilson - Interesting song choice, but James wants to prove that he is more than just a metalhead. This song obviously has a significant meaning and emotional connection to James, as he can barely get through his audition. On stage live, he shows his softer side and keeps it together until the end. Unlike the other balladeers on the show, James' performance feels real and genuine. Not my favorite from him, but I think it will help him win more votes. B


From Lusk til Dawn: Love Hurts by Nazareth - Since the Nazareth version is the only one I know, that will be my baseline of comparison. You are NO Nazareth, Lusk! Admittedly, this was much better than his first disaster, but was still hard to listen to, just because his voice is now the equivalent of poisonous, carniverous sand leeches. Please be the last we hear of Jakub. C+

Laurena Bobbit Alaina: Unchained Melody by Righteous Bros: Lauren does a nice job here and has moments of greatness, but she is still letting the song own her and not the other way around. This could have been one of those special performances, but will just pass off as pretty good. Sweet prom dress, too! B+

Boot Scottin Scoddy: You Were Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson/Elvis: Guess what folks, Scotty is IN IT TO... yadda yadda yadda. Overall, this was very good, almost great. Scotty is peaking and I am convinced of a James/Scotty finale more than ever. He is also learning not to hold the microphone like a flute, so I will give him a B+

Hail to Rinehart! House of the Rising Sun by the Animals: Thank you Sheryl Crow for some good advice, which is for Haley to begin the song acapella. I wasn't sure how this was going to go, but she kicked the crap out of it and blew me away. Hands down the best performance of the night, and for once I agree with the judges on that. Unfortunately, Haley has been a bottom-dweller for too long and she may be in danger, along with Lush. A

Interesting night, but not my favorite. Most performances were pretty good but only one that was stellar. The worst performance of the night was the frickin' fiddler trying to steal the spotlight from Lauren.

Combined Rankings for THEN AND NOW:

Scoddy the Botty
Haley (yep I said it)
James and Lauren TIED
Jakub Lush

Jakub and Haley will once again be forced to stand together as the bottom two. I hope America gets it right because one of them belongs and other needs to get his ladder and get the hell off the stage.

Na na na na... Na na na na... HEY HEY... GOODBYE JAKUB!!!!


OUT