It's Ladies Night part 2 tonight, and wait a freakin minute... Butterteeth got sick and had to go to the hospital and so the guys are swapping nights with them! I wonder what happened to Crystal Bowersox that required hospitalization, perhaps one of her hemp braids got caught in the sinkerator?
So here we go with the guys--let's hope they account for themselves better than last week's debacle. I see that Ellen has switched positions with the Count of Pitchiness. That is good since Ellen needs help identifying good from bad.
Without further ado, lets' gettyon!
Mikey "Big Dump" Lynche - Man's World: Don't make Mikey mad, you wouldn't like Mikey when he's mad... The incredible Bulk starts off the show right by improving on his performance from last week--Could this be the men's night??? Good start. A- BTW, he was curling Aaron Kelly like he was a blow up doll.
John Trailer Park - Gravity: Nice shirt, did Simon lend that to you? Look here, captain Gleeclub, it’s STILL about song choice and you EPIC failed again. Another boring snoozer of a song, it was quite ungood. D
Casey James Kasem - I Don't Want to Be: Taking on a song that everyone and their dog has done is a risky proposal. However, he shred on the electric twanger and sang the song capably. Not great, but better than expected. Kara went out of her way to distance herself from beefboy by going over the top with her criticism. B+
Alex Sacrificial Lambert - Everybody Knows: Great song choice and if it wasn't for some nerves, it would have been gee whiz terrific. Quit hiding behind that mullet and come out of that shell, boy! I kind of like the cut of this kid's jib... B
Fraud-rick Hall - What's Love Got to Do with it: Ugh, ugh, ugh... Hideous rendition of this worn-out Tina Turner unclassic. What is he thinking, folks? He is not understanding what the judges are looking for, but it aint him! C-
Chowmaine Sellers - What's Goin On: Here's what's goin on. 1. You look like Ed Grimley with your fro-paux and bowtie. 2. Your singing consists of a merciless non-stop assault of jibberish. He has more runs than an ExLax convention bathroom. This guy needs to leave NOW. D-
Blandrew Garcia - You Give Me Something: What the EFF happened to this guy? He was one of my early favorites and he has already hit the wall at week 2??? I am horribly disappointed here. He needs to pull his head, complete with Harry Carry's glasses out his rear and sing something cool and interesting like he used to. C
Enron Kelli - My Girl: My Girl, my schmirrl... Hey, way to stay current there, eyebrow wax! Cute kid, and easily curlable (ask big Mike). However, his vibrato was laced with traces of goat, OR he was singing while sitting on a giant washing machine. But he's cute, so he's safe. D+
Tim Urban Renewal - Come on Get Higher: He came back improved from the humiliating performance he gave last week and somehow he got on Simon's good side. I still thought it was like musical oatmeal, but he may squeak by again. C
Lee Dungarees Duweez - Lips of an Angel: This guy has a great voice, ready for rock radio, but he needs to work on some pitch problems. Still, the raw talent is there and so far, he is picking the best songs for his voice. Nice job tough guy! A-
So it looks like only two good performances bookshelfing eight mediocre ones. This one should be easy to rank:
1. Mikey Lynche
2. Lee Dungeness
3. Casey Kasem
4. Alex Lambchop
5. Blandrew Garcia
6. Tim Urbana
7. Fraudrick Hall
8. Enron Kelly
9. John Gorky Park
10. Chowmaine Sellers
In my mind, this should be an easy booting of both John and Chowmaine. They were both in my bottom groupings last week, so freakin' get rid of them already!!! If America surprises us by keeping one of them, it will probably be at the expense of Tim Sub-Urban.
Stay tuned for tonight's chicktastic night of screeches and bad song decisions!
OUT
