Diamonds in the Rough

Last night was Neil Diamond night and each singer gets to go twice. This means that Ryan SeaKrust has to hurry the show along. In fact the whole format of the show changed last night, and quite frankly it was a freaking debacle.

No comments from the judges until the 2nd song? What braintrust thought of this? Obviously, they didn't tell Crackhead Paula, who critiqued both of Jason Cass-stroh's songs, when he had only performed one. Paula was so useless last night, they would have gotten smarter commentary from Pauly Shore. The judges clearly were not ready for this new format, and personally, I thought it sucked.

In any event, back to Kneel Diamond. I don't think I've ever seen him live before, so that was pretty cool. All I know is that I used to hear him on my mom's AM radio in the mornings. He does have a nice catalog of material and I was thinking that Cook was going to shine like no other. So, how did the other pretenders do?

1. Jason Castor Oil: More like cast-rated. Very disappointed in Castro last night. His first song, Forever in Blue Jeans, had no oomph to it. It was very soft and cuddly like a pet hamster. I kept waiting for him to growl a little, but as I said before, he doesn't have that in him. His second song was equally flaccid. He sung like he was on valium, or whatever other drug Paula slipped him under the table.

2. AC Cook: Last night Cook had the letters "AC" on his jacket, and it's also on his guitar. His initials are DC. So does that make him an AC DC fan? Ok enough gibberish... Cook was brilliant on both songs last night. This is his competition to lose. I never heard of those songs he did, but it didn't matter--they were freaking great!

3. Brooke Wobbly White: Her first song (I'm a Believer from the Monkees) might go down as one of the worst in TOP 5 history. It was absolutely appalling. I've seen better karaoke at Al's Red Frog. What the f*** was she thinking? Did she not remember Krispy Lee's repulsive version of "8 Days a Week" during Beatles week? This was just as bad, if not worse. She did redeem herself somewhat on the piano song. Still, she is in serious trouble along with Judge Dred.

4. Davey Parched-uletta: The lip licking little man cruised through Sweet Caroline like a dull knife through mayonnaise. In other words, who cares... Davey sure sounds a lot like Christopher Cross (Sailing). Again, blah, blah, blah. Randy should be man-slapped for heaping such praise on this kid. His second song "Coming to America" was soggy and somber. He is the anti-Neil Diamond. I was not happy with this performance. Neil Diamond has a nice growl to his voice, very man-like indeed. This had wuss-factor written all over it. "SORRY!"

5. Syscreecha Mercado: I actually thought her first song was outstanding. If she can pick THAT kind of song every week, she will have momentum to carry her into the finals and one of the Davids will get steamrolled over. David ? vs Syscreecha (can you believe it?) Unfortunately (for her), her second song was a shipwreck. To me it sounded like a funked up motown makeover, and those are a dime-a-dozen in this competition.

Overall, I would say Cook and Syscreecha's stock has gone up after the show. Arghhhuletta's has stayed the same, and Bungalow Brook and Castroh's has gone down hill, like a steaming ball of doggy doo.

Ratings for Diamond Week:

1. COOK, hands down (or up--it aint even close)
2. Syscreecha
3. Starchuletta
4. Wharbling White
5. Cast iron skillet

I just can't picture the top 3 going home tonight. It MUST be Brooke or Castro, and deservedly so. I like Jason, but he just has too many quaaludes in his system to give him the drive to win this thing. Babylon Brooke's song choices and knack for speaking out of turn will end her competition early.

If Brooke goes home, watch out for Syscreecha the next few weeks--she will pick up a lot of Brooke's fan base.

By the way, did anyone see the sign in the crowd for the "man-love" for Simon? That was classic!


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