Gaga me with a Spoon

It's Final Four night, but without the basketball players and March Madness hoopla. In fact, the only hoopla is how Lady Gaga's makeup can get any freakier. So the themes tonight are "Inspirational Songs" and some songbook by small balding man in front row. I was thinking that we may be in for a long night if song choice becomes an issue, as it oftentimes does. At this stage of the game, you better be bringing the performance and picking great songs. This, unfortunately, didn't happen.

The night started off promising as we hear that Durbin is going to be doing some Journey as his inspirational number. So here we go...

James "hips" Durbinator - Don't Stop Believin by Journey: It was a matter of time before Durbin did RJAXX a tribute by doing a Journey song and he did this one right. Great performance, including the Journey shirt, tails, lunchbox and video game. Ex-Journey bass player Randy eats it up (along with a lot of pizzas). The judges loved it, the crowd ate it up and James proved that he was back from an ungood performance last week. A

Helly Grindhart - Earth Song by Michael Jackson: Dear lord, Hailey, you either hit it out off the park or you blow yourself up like pop rocks in soda can. This was the latter. The judges were harsh (except Lips, who must be conditioned like the guy in Clockwork Orange to not say or do anything negative). I agree with RJAXX and JLOWW--poor song choice and confusing as to her direction as an artist. Clearly frustated, she talked a little smack back to Randy (not good). I applaud that the song was inspirational to her, but this is a freakin' competition--gotta go for the win baby! C

Scoddy the Botty McQuery - Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning by Hillbilly Jackson: Yukkety Yuk... a song about 9/11. Again, I respect the personal inspiration that Scoddy has from this song, but I personally didn't care for it. Songs that imply that one is not political, are political, and with recent events, this was a golden opportunity to display the old red, white and blue. Smart move by McQuery, but to me, not entertaining and not inspiring. Just sayin! B-

Laurena Bobbit Alaina - Anyway by Martina McBride: Meh... Another snoozer country song that I never heard of. Great dress though--Hey Lauren, Cap'n Jack Sparrow is looking for his wardrobe! Maybe if she would have worn an eye patch, the song would have inspired more. She sang good enough and I think did enough to beat Haley in this round. B

Before Round Two starts, SeaKrust must first embarrass the performers by standing them up like kindergarteners in front of the judges to get an early feel for where they stand. Of course JLOWW and Lips take the high road, but RJAXX hits Haley right in the bread basket with his "3 way tie" remark... Nicely done Chuckles.

Round Two: Songs by the Law Firm of Lieber, Stoller, Cheatem and Howe

To further confuse things, they throw the order of singers out of whack and we start with Haley:

Haley Blackhart - I Who Have Nothing by Edith Pilaf: Rice who? As Haley often does, she slays this song after an earlier misstep. I wasn't sure how this would go after she started, but after digesting the overall performance, I thought it was masterful. For Pete's sakes, Haley, can you not pick two good songs in a row? I'm rooting for Haley to get to the final three, but not convinced that she's done enough overall. A

Scooty McTooty - Young Blood by the Coasters: His banter with Gaga was great and gross at the same time. His performance was silly and borderline clown-like. His insane eye movements coupled with his alligator arms made him look like an escaped inmate from the nut factory. But it was much more fun than his previous number, so I'll give him props for not being boring and dry. B

Cap'n Jack Alaina - Trouble by Elvis: Yes, Miss Wholesome, we know you aren't "really" evil, so just play the role and have some fun. Lauren actually did a sweet job with this song and played it out like she should have. The performance was good and she didn't seem so nervous this time. Her and Haley are going to battle for 3rd place I think after tonight. B+

Hippy James Durbin - Love Potion #9 by Elvis Presley: In the rehearsal, it appeared that this might be Crap Potion #10. However, they turned it into a rock song and Durbin did his thing. Does anyone else notice that Durbin has big-ass hips? At any rate, it was a solid performance, although it got a little weird and indulgent at the end. B+

Rankings for Uninspirational Songs:

Durbin
Lauren
Scoddy
Haley

Rankings for small bald man Songs"

Haley
Durbin
Lauren
Scoddy

Overall, it doesn't matter as I believe that it's a James vs Scotty finale. Lauren or Haley will go home Thursday. I believe that Haley's inconsistency and talking back to the judges will doom her and she will probably be the one who goes. Grizzly Abrams will be waiting with open arms and stinky beard.

At least we don't have to listen to Jakub anymore.


OUT