The Phinal Curtain

At long last, we have an Idol show that felt well-timed and without all the fluffy nonsense. Of course, we'll get plenty of that tonight on the Results Circus.

The venue has changed to the more raucous Nokia Theater and the production is all dolled up like senior prom. Everything is fancy-pants and froufrou. Everything except Phillip Phillips. Because P2 doesn't need it, he and his gray garb, and his 5 o'clock shadow. Phil's entrance on the show last night was beautiful. Tommy Hillclimber had to be one tortured soul last night when he saw Phil. And Phil's answer to Seachicken about how does it feel to be on the big stage for the finale was awesome--I call it profound gibberish. I can't type what Phil said--there is no spelling or pronunciation for that. I would actually like to download that sound as my ringtone...

In any event, on with the show... Three songs for each. First round is Simon Fuller's choice, Second round is singer's favorite past song, and Third round is what their first single would be. Here's how it played out:

Jessica Sandcastle - I Have Nothing (Simon Fuller's choice): Very wise and appropriate song choice. Degree of difficulty substantial, and the execution was close to flawless. However, it was predictable and somewhat boring. Jessica doing a "diva" ballad--yes, yes... what else is new? Okay fair enough--she gets an A on this one.

Phillip "Can I get a kidney transplant" Phillips - Stand by Me (Simon Fuller's choice): Mr. Fuller did Mr. Phillips no favors on this flaccid song choice. This was unchallenging and uninspiring. Even Phil couldn't Phillipify this weaksauce number. I am hoping that Phil makes a much better choice for himself in round two. A solid B, but not his fault.

I have to agree with the judges that Jessica won round one. Again, this was taken out of the performer's control, and they both did the best they could with the material. Jessica certainly had the advantage there.

Now... let's get into the highly inappropriate, offensive and vulgar act called "Perpetually grabbing my crotch" by Jason Duh-rulo. In all my years of watching live performances, I have never seen someone grab themselves so blatantly and frequently--are you freakin' kidding me? I would say he pawed himself a good 15-20 times, right in the faces of the mostly younger crowd. I am no fuddy duddy, but C'MON MAN! I used to play baseball, and have witnessed plenty of self-imposed groin grope on the field, but cup adjusting is a necessity (sometimes, but not all the time--some guys just like to do it...). That pales in comparison to this cluckknuckle. I think Seakrust alluded to the "interesting" dance moves--we all knew what he meant. I wonder how many parents will be writing letters to the show in protest. Dear Idol, thanks a lot for the visual feast of crotch-grabbery, asshats.

Now back to the real show.

Jessica #2 - The Prayer (her fave song): Another ballad, ho-hum... It was decent, but bordered on the theatrical and broadwayish. A bit too melodramatic for me. Again, technically, it was formidable and she certainly has the chops to pull it off, but been there, done that. The pattern is set in place, big ballads all night long. I guess ya dance with date you showed up with, eh? B+

Phil #2 - Movin' Out (his fave song): Great choice although I was guessing he would have done the Jonny Lang song. Both winners, regardless. This time, he brought more to the table. It was Phil doing Phil, but showing more pizzazz, especially the very strong ending. Excellent choice, great performance. Definitely an A.

Jessica #3 - Change Nothing (poorly conceived single written by Keebler elves): Agree with the judges on this. This is not in her cupboard of competency. I am not sure who writes these "first single" songs, but they should be slapped in the grill. They are almost never hits, they don't usually match up to the performer's personality, and they are hard to stomach. This was screechy and annoying. C+

Phil #3 - Home (cleverly conceived single written by Smurfs and Hobbits): And on the other hand... haha! A song written correctly and FOR the person performing it. What a novel idea! Or perhaps, Phil changed it up? Regardless, it was a great song, phantastic performance, just all-around goodness. Steven said what I was thinking... it reminded me of Simon and Garfunkel. What a way to finish the night. If it wasn't for the excessive humming at the end, I'd give it an A+, but an A will have to do.

Ironically, the performers peaked at opposite times last night, probably much to the thrill of Phil and his constituents. Starting slow and finishing strong will more often than not improve one's chances. With that said, I am going to have to go with Phil winning this thing.

Overall, the night was pretty even, but with the performers crossing paths in the middle. Kinda like the elevator (Phil) that starts in the basement and goes up, while the elevator (Jessica) that starts on the 10th floor goes down.

Rankings for the Final:

Phil
Jessica

So that is it, folks... Another season in the books. The last several Results Finale shows have been very entertaining and well done with lots of surprises, so make sure you check it out. I will probably have one more postmortem article to reflect on Season 11. Thank you for your support and unbridled enthusiasm.

I look forward to seeing Heehaw Hand on the stand-up circuit and Colton and Elise having more commercial success than anyone else from this season. Also it wouldn't surprise me if Hollie Cabinslaw did well with the right songwriters and producers.

OVER AND...

OUT