Four hours, count em, 4 freakin hours of Idol in the last two days. That’s a lot of rubbish to endure, and rubbish is what we got on day one. After the obligatory flashback scenes, the first thing we see is Ryan Seacrust on the edge of the Grand Canyon—why can’t someone push him in? “THIS…. Is Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” ……thwap.
So this is the beginning of Idol Season 8—welcome to the Six-stop freakshow. Our first stop is “but it’s a dry heat” Phoenix. Thousands of sweaty teens and twentysomething twerps ready to get a verbal lashing. Who will be the first to push the Hoover of suckdom? They always have some dude with nutty hair going first, and Tuesday was no exception. This guy could star in a live-action adaptation of “Hair Bears – Grizzly Audition” It was crap and it should therefore, stay in the woods.
There was only one good memorable performance in the first half of the show, and that was by the tattooed rocker chick with pink hair who sang “Barracuda.” That was freaking awesome! That is a hard song to sing acapella or in Acapulco or whatever the hell it’s called. She kicked the song’s @ss. I predict good things for this girl.
The rest of the hour saw Dopey, Sneezy and Bashed-In. Dopey was the guy who looked like a rocker, but acted more like a cocker (spaniel). He was weepy and droopy—“I just want to be taken seriously!” How bout you kick yourself in the berries? Sleepy was the goony kid with the greasy black hair who about passed out on the floor—what the hell was that? And of course Bashed-In is what my ears were after that horrid Tears For Fears song that was butchered by a castrated Mickey Mouse.
I’ll be brief about Day 2…. Herman freaking Munster. That dude with the low voice made Herman Munster sound like Tiny Tim. WTF was up with that? The judges were right—DO VOICEOVERS! And let’s not forget Pink Cowboy hat girl with her ridiculous @ss-kissing of new judge Kara DiGiorno (it’s not Delivery). Tran$exual Chocolate tasted more like pickled sand, but hey he gets a new car for sucking!
There were a few better performances on Day 2—Horror Boy was good. Roughneck Man was decent although he sang a boy band song. And Bikini Girl! Fantastic! Well at least Simon thought so. I agreed with the ladies—she sucked mothballs. Simon and Randy couldn’t hear sh*t as they were tricked by the tramp. She then proceeded to suck face with Seacrust, who got a taste of Cowell’s @ss. I hope she falls off the stage in Hollywood and sprains her throat
The night ended on a positive note with the virtually blind guy Scott making it through to Hollyweird. I suspect he will actually sound better when he gets to play his piano.
All in all, the Phoenix did not rise from the ashes—it was a farghing disaster of epicurean proportions. Bimbos and Babies, Nuts and Dolts who sound like Lou Holtz. Stay tuned for the KC re-crap!
OUT
So this is the beginning of Idol Season 8—welcome to the Six-stop freakshow. Our first stop is “but it’s a dry heat” Phoenix. Thousands of sweaty teens and twentysomething twerps ready to get a verbal lashing. Who will be the first to push the Hoover of suckdom? They always have some dude with nutty hair going first, and Tuesday was no exception. This guy could star in a live-action adaptation of “Hair Bears – Grizzly Audition” It was crap and it should therefore, stay in the woods.
There was only one good memorable performance in the first half of the show, and that was by the tattooed rocker chick with pink hair who sang “Barracuda.” That was freaking awesome! That is a hard song to sing acapella or in Acapulco or whatever the hell it’s called. She kicked the song’s @ss. I predict good things for this girl.
The rest of the hour saw Dopey, Sneezy and Bashed-In. Dopey was the guy who looked like a rocker, but acted more like a cocker (spaniel). He was weepy and droopy—“I just want to be taken seriously!” How bout you kick yourself in the berries? Sleepy was the goony kid with the greasy black hair who about passed out on the floor—what the hell was that? And of course Bashed-In is what my ears were after that horrid Tears For Fears song that was butchered by a castrated Mickey Mouse.
I’ll be brief about Day 2…. Herman freaking Munster. That dude with the low voice made Herman Munster sound like Tiny Tim. WTF was up with that? The judges were right—DO VOICEOVERS! And let’s not forget Pink Cowboy hat girl with her ridiculous @ss-kissing of new judge Kara DiGiorno (it’s not Delivery). Tran$exual Chocolate tasted more like pickled sand, but hey he gets a new car for sucking!
There were a few better performances on Day 2—Horror Boy was good. Roughneck Man was decent although he sang a boy band song. And Bikini Girl! Fantastic! Well at least Simon thought so. I agreed with the ladies—she sucked mothballs. Simon and Randy couldn’t hear sh*t as they were tricked by the tramp. She then proceeded to suck face with Seacrust, who got a taste of Cowell’s @ss. I hope she falls off the stage in Hollywood and sprains her throat
The night ended on a positive note with the virtually blind guy Scott making it through to Hollyweird. I suspect he will actually sound better when he gets to play his piano.
All in all, the Phoenix did not rise from the ashes—it was a farghing disaster of epicurean proportions. Bimbos and Babies, Nuts and Dolts who sound like Lou Holtz. Stay tuned for the KC re-crap!
OUT
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