Girls Gone Mild

It's Ladies night, and oh what a fight. A fight to see who will be in the Top 5. I will spare you the superfluous intro by Chicken of the Seacrest. But I will say that JLOWW was showin' some thigh last night in a big way. Holy Earl Campbell, Batman!

So let's get the show on the road. Again, the girls get to pick their own songs. How will they do? Song choice is your biggest ally or foe. Will they outperform the boys from Tuesday? Let's find out...

Up first is:

Tarantula Wilson - Only Girl by Rihanna: I don't care if it's Rihanna, Madonna or Benihana. It was not a good song choice and her voice was cannibalized by the music. In addition, it was out of tune and outta here! JWOWW is not hearin' so good. She claims "the crowd was moved." Bombshell... the crowd is MOVED by every song, even the crappola. C-

Naima Nomogato Mister Roboto Adedapo - Summertime by George Gershwin: lady, it was pretty good, but you will not top Fantasia's version, nor will anyone else. However, she did it more up-tempo and did a pretty good job. The back tats really accentuated the emotions of the song. B+

Kendra Chandelier - Impossible by Christina Aguilera: Initially, I was thinking she has some killer range, but then it just got annoying, especially in the upper register. It was just ok, but it coulda woulda shoulda been better. B

Rachel Zebrafeeder - Criminal from Fiona Apple: Picking that song was a crime. Rachel is/was supposed to be the next Siobhan Magnus from a couple seasons ago. Great pipes and uniquely original song choices. She showed neither of these traits Wednesday night. First big disappointment of the night. I think the problem with Rachel is that she is conflicted with who she is. I thought they were supposed to have advisors on the show this season? If she comes back it will be as second chance wildcard. D+

Karen Chi-chi Rodriguez - Hero by Mariah Carey: Karen was one of my top picks and I thought she did excellent on this song. It was the right song for her, and she sang it beautifully, both English and Spanish. Her voice is like Spin Blend... smooth and creamy! A

Lauren Turner Overdrive - Seven Day Fool by Etta James: Great song choice--congratulations! It's not so hard is it? Lips said it best when he said it was a complete sentence. Lauren can go far if she is consistent. Great range and great tone. A-

Ashton Kutcher Jones - Love All Over Me by Monica: Big hair, big voice, big shoes, lots of attitude and confidence. Not sure I like the song, but she sure did. It was decent, but I'm on the fence with this one. B+

Julio Godzilla - Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson: DOH! Biting off a little more than can be chewed, I'd say. Miss South America might be packing her bags after this mess. It just lacked the oomph that Kelly put in it. No comparison. It sort of came off like good karaoke. Disappointment #2, as she was also an early favorite. She still has great shoes and fashion sense! C+

Haley Rhinefardt - Fallin by Alicia Keys: Decent song choice, but I felt that she overdramatized it with the slinky movements and a few too many growls. Probably what killed it for me was toward the end, she was sounding like a kitten on helium. Bobby Brady said it best, when he quipped, "Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk." B-

Thia Tequila Megia - Out Here on My Own by Irene Cara: Wow, just wow. Are you effin' kidding me? 15 years old and THIS. WAS. AWESOME. Started with a ghostly acapella that erupted into full blown perfection. It was brave and could have backfired in a big way, but she blew the doors off this performance. A

Lorne Michaels Alaina - Turn on the Radio by Reba McEntire: Good rockin' country song. Very good for a 16 year old, but I know she can do better. I bet she can sing this in her sleep. It was a little safe for me for her. Lorne has received a lot of airplay, so she may be "the anointed one" like in every other season. She will have to pull all stops. B+

Pia Tabasco - I'll Stand by You by The Pretenders: Great song, great hair. She sung pretty decent overall, but smoked it in the end (in a good way). I mentioned her as a fave with Karen and she didn't disappoint. A-

So there ya have it... I would say that the girls did about as well as the guys. I actually thought they should have done much better, but Julio and Zebrafeeder exercised poor decision-making skills by picking facepalm-inducing song choices.

Rankings for Girls:

Thia Tequila
Karen Rodriquez
Pia Tuscodero
Lauren Turner
Lauren Alaina
Naima Roboto
Ashton Kutcher Jones
Kendra Chandelier
Haley Rhinestone
Julio Gorilla
Tarantula Wilson
Rachel Zebeneezer

For the Top 5, I am going to go with that same top five as listed above, and for the #6 Wildcard, I will predict last place Rachel or Naima Roboto get in. The show NEEDS a quirky girl like Rachel and the judges know it. Chalk it up to an off-night.

And lastly I'd like to thank Randy for keepin' it real. WOOF WOOF


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