Well that is all good in theory, but how about when put pencil to paper? I must admit, I am a tad underwhelmed overall by the song choices, provided the vast choice of groovy sh*t.
Speakng of groovy, who the hell dressed the judges tonight? Liberace? Lips looked like a technicolor yawn... JLOWW had the wind-tunnel tested hairdo, and some jungle cat is looking for it's skin. RaJack kept it real with his Sears Toughskins denim ensemble.
Ok enough on the three stooges...
How were the performances? Before I go into them individually, my overall impression of last night's performances had the consistency of mama bear's porridge. Kind of weak, kind of warm and a little soft.
Let's gettit on!
Naima Morimoto - "What's Love Got to Do with it" by Tina Turner: What's pitch got to do with it? Not much apparently, as Naima fumbled all over this song like Ben freaking Roethlisberger at a nightclub. She had more pitching problems than Charlie Sheen in MAJOR LEAGUE. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't horrible. That's all I gotta say about that! C+
Paul McFluoride - "That's why they Call it the Blues" by Elton John: Last year, secret squirrel sang this song and got kicked off the next night. Will Captain Creststrips make the cut this time? I think he will, even though this was far from stellar. Paul's chiclets and SNL's Sprockets dance moves will keep him in... B- And lose the skinny jeans bro!
Thia Tequila - "Colors of the Wind” from Pocahontas: Smooth, silky and very safe. Not a lot to crow about here, just another underwhelming ho-hum performance. Will she ever recapture her glory from two weeks ago? Another victim of flimsy song choices may be in her future. It was just vanilla swirled with more vanilla. B
Dangerous James Durbin - "I'll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi: Finally, a song choice that didn't suck the life out of the show. He's consistently picking good songs and performing well--this will bode well for him as the show goes on. It wasn't awesome, but it threw some life into the snoozefest the show was becoming. His stage presence and camaraderie with the judges is well played. A- By the way, his birthday is Jan 6, which is also mine! YOU GO MAN!!!!
Hailey RyneSandberg - "I'm Your Baby Tonight” by Whitney Houston: Hey Hailey, Catwoman is looking for her pants! Enough about fashion... Hailey throws us a flat performance that looked better than it sounded. Hailey knows her strengths, which is her looks, but her singing is not top 5 material. C
Steffano Joey Tribiani - "If You Don't Know Me By Now" by Simply Weak: Hello? David Bearhair Archuleta 2.0 is at it again. Although it was a solid performance,it just fortifies the fact that all he can do is weak sauce ballads. His sweet threads with those classy British Knights hightops really set the tone. A begrudging B
Pia Tuscadero - “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” by Whitney Houston: One of my early favorites didn't disappoint, even though doing a Whitney song usueally spells merciless insults by RJack. Not this time--she pulled it off and did great. However, her competition up this poiint has been flaccid for the most part. A
Beam me up Scotty McDoody - Some Country song by Travis Tritt: I really don't like country (except the man in black), and this was no exception... Didn't like this at all, but I gotta be objective and give him a good score! OOOOOOH I hate that! I like Scotty and his Bilbo Baggins haircut, His singing was solid, so... B+
Chachi Rodriguez - “Love Will Lead You Back” by Taylor Dane Cook: Once of my early faves, she is dropping like Mel Gibson's popularity ratings. So disappointing as she clearly is lacking in power, passion and pizzazz. And the adding Spanish lyrics is old now... JLOWW aint that impressed anymore, so ya better come up with something fresh Ms. Knucklechuckle! B-
Casey Chewbacca Abrams - "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: First of all, ballsy song choice, I like it already. I gotta give this guy credit for having the jewels to pick a Nirvana song! But then he sang it, and his virility was neutered. In the end, the song smelled like teen sweatsocks. B-
Lorne Green Alaina - “I'm The Only One” by Melissa Etheridge: Welcome back Lauren--very nicely done on this tune, and it wasn't country per se. One of the more memorable, recognizable and consistent performances of the night. A-
Jacob Musk - “Alone” by Heart: Odd song choice, but then again, Jakey is a little on the prodigious side. His voice is like 6000 pounds of jello all-a-quiver until he hits those runs, which he has been perpetually overusing. He did subdue them to some degree until the end, but alas, they were there again. Overall, better than last week. B
I gotta tell ya... overall, last night was pretty blase. No real standout performances, but no real bowzers either. However, the girls take 2 of the top 3 for the night---I knew they had it in 'em!
Ratings for the night:
Pia Tuscodero
Lauren Alaina
James Durbin
Scotty McCracken
Casey Abrahamson
Thia Tequila
Paul McDental
Steffano Tribiani
Jacob Lush
Karen Rodregisphilbin
Hailey Rheinoceros
Naima Origato
Dangerous James Durbin - "I'll Be There For You” by Bon Jovi: Finally, a song choice that didn't suck the life out of the show. He's consistently picking good songs and performing well--this will bode well for him as the show goes on. It wasn't awesome, but it threw some life into the snoozefest the show was becoming. His stage presence and camaraderie with the judges is well played. A- By the way, his birthday is Jan 6, which is also mine! YOU GO MAN!!!!
Hailey RyneSandberg - "I'm Your Baby Tonight” by Whitney Houston: Hey Hailey, Catwoman is looking for her pants! Enough about fashion... Hailey throws us a flat performance that looked better than it sounded. Hailey knows her strengths, which is her looks, but her singing is not top 5 material. C
Steffano Joey Tribiani - "If You Don't Know Me By Now" by Simply Weak: Hello? David Bearhair Archuleta 2.0 is at it again. Although it was a solid performance,it just fortifies the fact that all he can do is weak sauce ballads. His sweet threads with those classy British Knights hightops really set the tone. A begrudging B
Pia Tuscadero - “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” by Whitney Houston: One of my early favorites didn't disappoint, even though doing a Whitney song usueally spells merciless insults by RJack. Not this time--she pulled it off and did great. However, her competition up this poiint has been flaccid for the most part. A
Beam me up Scotty McDoody - Some Country song by Travis Tritt: I really don't like country (except the man in black), and this was no exception... Didn't like this at all, but I gotta be objective and give him a good score! OOOOOOH I hate that! I like Scotty and his Bilbo Baggins haircut, His singing was solid, so... B+
Chachi Rodriguez - “Love Will Lead You Back” by Taylor Dane Cook: Once of my early faves, she is dropping like Mel Gibson's popularity ratings. So disappointing as she clearly is lacking in power, passion and pizzazz. And the adding Spanish lyrics is old now... JLOWW aint that impressed anymore, so ya better come up with something fresh Ms. Knucklechuckle! B-
Casey Chewbacca Abrams - "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: First of all, ballsy song choice, I like it already. I gotta give this guy credit for having the jewels to pick a Nirvana song! But then he sang it, and his virility was neutered. In the end, the song smelled like teen sweatsocks. B-
Lorne Green Alaina - “I'm The Only One” by Melissa Etheridge: Welcome back Lauren--very nicely done on this tune, and it wasn't country per se. One of the more memorable, recognizable and consistent performances of the night. A-
Jacob Musk - “Alone” by Heart: Odd song choice, but then again, Jakey is a little on the prodigious side. His voice is like 6000 pounds of jello all-a-quiver until he hits those runs, which he has been perpetually overusing. He did subdue them to some degree until the end, but alas, they were there again. Overall, better than last week. B
I gotta tell ya... overall, last night was pretty blase. No real standout performances, but no real bowzers either. However, the girls take 2 of the top 3 for the night---I knew they had it in 'em!
Ratings for the night:
Pia Tuscodero
Lauren Alaina
James Durbin
Scotty McCracken
Casey Abrahamson
Thia Tequila
Paul McDental
Steffano Tribiani
Jacob Lush
Karen Rodregisphilbin
Hailey Rheinoceros
Naima Origato
Threats to head home tonight are Naima, Hailey and Karen. Too tough to call here folks, but I would venture to guess Hailey and Karen--Hailey has no identity and Karen has been underwhelming and disappointing. What a shame for both! Paul can't rely on his teeth forever, so he better start picking better songs or he and his skinny jeans will be next on the chopping block!
OUT
3 comments:
I was floored when JaLo came out on Naima's pitch issues...very uncharacteristic. I half wonder if Steven was kicking himself for not being more critical.
I have to agree, there was so much good stuff to pick from, but they didn't really deliver. Was a very blase show.
I thought the top three last performers last night were Steffano, Lauren and Scotty (only because he sang with some more range). I also think that Jacob could be at risk of being in the bottom three. That was just not good for me.
JLOWW was a little out of her element (in more ways than one)...
Overall, a weak showing from what could have been a fantastic night.
I wouldn't mind seeing Jacob hit the bottom 3...
Where's the love for Pia? I just can't get on board the Tribiani train--too boy-bandish and like Archuleta.
HEY! I found you! It's Leslie ("That's right)...Ha ha..Is that YOUR tat??? I have like..ummm FIVE now - yes addicted!!! ha ha..GREAT blog...Now where's those dang sporks?
Post a Comment