This week's Idol episodes have left a lot to be desired. Clearly, the producers are counting on the Jerry Springer rejects to help carry the show, and this week proved that in spades. Surely there must be two screening processes: One for the people who can actually sing, and one for the lunatic parade. There is no way on earth that some of these whacky hacks would come close to having any singing talent. They are there to get their 15 minutes of shame.
San Diego was a compete waste of time--can you remember any good singers? I cannot. Unfortunately, all I remember is that frazzled hair, long finger-nailed goofstick with the giant Idol fan. Not only did we have to painfully endure that sad-sack pathetic attempt at singing, but we had to put up with a 10 minute "human dis-interest" story on this flubberhead. It was not entertaining in the least. If they are going to bring that kind of element on the show, at least throw some good insults at them. And what the he11 was up with that homemade song?
The other notable from San Diego was that silly delusional girl who thinks she is better than Mariah Carey. Better at what? Snorting crack? It was more like Harry Carey as her pitched wails made nails on chalkboards sound like relaxation music. My dogs' ears and gums were bleeding from that sirenesque warbling.
Then there was the gomer pile who's auditioned 11 times. Last year he dressed up like the statue of liberty. Was this his Oedipus-rex mother's idea or his? At least he actually tried this time around, and he wasn't BAD. It wasn't good either, so see ya next year fruitcake. Why don'tcha leave your mommy behind this time---she needs to quit stalking her own son.
The only two good ones I remember now were the the Vocal Chord Kid and the Irish Tatoo lady. I hope they both run away from the disaster that was San Diego Idol--good luck kids!
South Carolina, come on down!!! You have been chosen to be a contestant on Nutcase Idol!!! Ok, SC was not as bad as SD, but it still left a sour taste in my ears. There was some entertainment value to be had here as a girl from Kellie Pickles the Clown's town was making an appearance. She was sassy in a good way. Unfortunately, it was a no-go. There was the "black Clay Aiken" guy. I closed my eyes and listened to him and he did sound like he was achin.
I was somewhat surprised that the brother/sister combo did as well as they did. They were funny too. Goofier than he11, but funny and entertaining. This is more like it. Then the fun was abruptly halted by that little punky "dance team" leader. I agree with Simon--she is annoying. She also preaches abstinence--whatever. I predict she will end up in prison some day for prostitution.
Air Force Amy who sung Black Velvet got ripped off in my opinion. I thought she did well and brought a different style to the competition, but the judges just didn't get it. They also said no to the guy who just had a baby. His name was Oliver Hymen. What an unfortunate name--what were his parents thinking? He has a cousin named Stew Padasso and an aunt named Ilene Dover.
The most memorable "appearance" on the show had to be Urethra Codner and her orbs. Who dresses these people? It was like she was smuggling pony kegs in that shocking blue globe-tube. Did you see Paula's reaction? Then there was that other whiny guy who seemed to actually believe he was good enough to move on and he was atrocious. These people who argue with the judges crack me up--like they will change their mind--he's Simon f****ing Cowell man!!!
The final shock to me was that next week's show will be in Oma-freaking-ha. Are you kidding me? What a dump! I've been to Omaha. It's a couple malls surrounded by cornfields. I look forward to the hucking fuskers laying down some wicked Nebraska tunes. Wednesday's auditions will be held in Williamsburg in the Arby's parking lot. Can't wait!!!!
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