Barbies on Barbituates

The Top 12 women performed last night, and had a high bar to reach due to the solid performances by the guys. Unfortunately, they failed to deliver anything other than mediocrity. Oh sure, there were a few good ones, but most ranged from dopey to mopey.

One of the first things I noticed about our ladies, was the Barbie Doll syndrome. The resemblance to super models and magazine covergirls was pretty significant. Not a big fan of the performers that get by on looks, and I think we have a few that meet that criteria.

Again, it was 60's Night, and to me, most of the songs were insipid ballads that seemed to last 10 minutes each. Overall, a show that was dull and about as exciting as shortbread cookies.

On to the prom queens:

1. Karate Kristy Cook: Yawn... very boring, safe and unforgettable. Barbie 1 was a one trick pony in the prelims, relying on Amazing Grace TWICE to get to where she is. Someone give her some money to buy her horsey back.

2. Ernest Borgninella: The "plus size" model (I didn't make this up--those are her words!). I'm afraid that I really despised this song and her voice was pretty feeble last night. Not sure she'll stick around...

3. Alaina Underwood JR. Whitaker: Carrie's little sister, so that makes her Scout, right? She just turned 17, but turned in a solid performance. Finally, a Barbie that can sing--thank you!

4. Amanda Bachman Turner Overmyer: The Nurse Ratchet-Rocker kicked some @ss with that rock piece. Although, I didn't really care for the vocal performance, I think she will get by this time. She took a big risk, especially with that horrendous "scattin" attack. Please, never again!!!

5. Amy Ann B Davis: How can I f**k that name up? She had a nice, velvety delivery of a very boring song. I think her voice is fantastic, but song choice may doom her this early, which is unfortunate. Cripes people, don't you understand by now??? SONG CHOICE!

6. Babbling Brooke White: Giddy Brooke is an enigma on this show, which is why she must survive. I don't think the voice or performance was outstanding, but she has a great attitude and adds an eclectic slice to the Idol pie.

7. Alex ANDREA Lushingtonbirminghamtonson: Too many frickin' syllables in that name and Ryan Sea-crushed it into oblivion. She set his @ss straight though.. I was expecting some mundane Gladys or Arethra number, but was pleasantly surprised by the vocal and actually very impressed with the performance. Props to you!

8. Kadyshack Malloy, aka Barbie 3, The Britney impersonator was absolutely anemic with that lazy performance. If she didn't resemble Carmen Elektra, she would be immediately forgotten and kicked out immediately. Good riddance I say! When will the internet photos appear??? haha!

9. Southeast Asia'h Epperson: My bar is set high for her, so the performance was somewhat disappointing, but only because I expect her to be a Top 5 contender. It was still pretty good!

10. Schlemiel Malakar: Huge things come in small packages. This little smurf was very impressive and is growing on me. My only criticism? That she was wearing baseball pants.

11. Slushy Merrcado: You can tell this girl got a whole lotta attitude! This will either help her or hurt her. Eventually, she will get on the wrong people's nerves (I give her 2 more shows, and I'll be on my last). She is a great performer and singer--but so was Stephanie at this point last year...

12. Curly Tattoothson: Lots of pressure to be the best--Simon Scowl didn't make it easy on her, but I think he gets on the really good ones once in a while to keep them motivated. I thought she was fantabulous, and probably has the best pure singing voice on the show. Song choices will determine her fate! This song was kinda weird BTW---never heard of it!

All in all, not horrible, but not real conversation-piece worthy either. Not really caring that much for anyone at this point, so losing two tonight will not make me wallow in the mire.

Top 12 gals for 60's Night:

Schlemiel Malokar
Alaina Underwood Jr.
AsiaH Epp
Curly Smithson
Alexandretta Lush
Slushy Mercado
Nurse Rocket
Ann B Davis
Babbling Brooke
Kung Fu Kristy
Ernest Joanne Borgnine
Kadyshack Mall-annoy

Kady and Joanne should go home based on last night, but something tells me that poor little Ann B Davis might be returning to maid duties for the Bradys.

Stay tuned!

OUT.