Folks, there's a yute movement (What's a Yute?) going on at American Idol Inc... And its name is David Archuleta. The 17 year old young'un blew by the competition in a tepid 70's ni
ght ho-down. His landslide victory serves notice to the other yahoos that they better get their sh*t together. This group has great potential, but once again, I say it comes down to song choice. The 70's decade of music should have given the competitors a great selection to choose from, but from top to bottom, it had the sonic equivalent of mayonnaise pie.
Now on to the individual doofus parade:
1. Outback Mike: The aussie tennis god sung Fleetwood Mac. It was not his best and his high notes were excruciating. He will be safe, but needs to pick up his game.
2. Dreadlock Castro: Put your hair and your guitar away and sing something memorable man!!! Dreds arguably has the most amount of talent on the show but as kind, medicated Paula said, he needs to sing it to bring it.
3. "Luke, I'm your FATHER" Menard: McStubbly is in an Acupuncture Boy Band. His high pitched wails and nashing of his 5 o'clock shadow won him no points with me, or the judges. Although Queen is a tough song to mimic, he version was merely annoying.
4 Poser Robbie Carrotglow: The judges still think he is a fake rocker. I'm not sure what to think, but he did a pretty vanilla version of Foreigner's Hot Blooded. He did not blow me away, and as a so-called rocker, ya gotta do just that.
5. Fruity Norieggnog: Another talented voice picking the wrong song for 2 weeks in a row. He/she thought about it wayyyy too much and it came across as tortured and grotessque. I was scraping cheese from my TV screen after this loony tune. His reactions to the judges are classic and hilarious.
6. Daisy Hernandez: Daisy used to be a gymnast in his past life. I thought this guy was toast after last week, but he redeemed himself with his performance. I am not really familiar with that song, but he sold it. Now, what the he11 is up with the hoodie and black blazer combination??
7. Skunky Yeagerbomb: Very vapid remake of the Doobies. I can't see him sticking around, but WTF do I know? His hammy theatrics and stage movement reminded me of a 6th Grade play. This was a stinker.
8. Chik-fil-a Eze: Another redemption last night as Chicko-stick did a very decent job on "I believe". I think the jury is still out however, and he is by no means safe. Also, he argues with Simon, which is never a good thing.
9. Crossword Cook: The scruffy-headed rocker is the real deal when it comes to rockin the house. However, he has the personality of an hemorraging disc. Just cuz you're a word nerd, doesn't mean you have to be a rude dude with a 'tude. And if you want to stay in the race, STOP arguing with Simon!!! DOLT!
10. The Golden Boy: Aww shucks, what's not to like about this kid? He is polite, kind, humble, respectful and loaded with talent. That makes him an anomaly in my book. His rendition of Lennon was moving and masterful. Archuleta for President!
So there ya have it---the bar has been set by "da kid". Good luck to the rest of you, because you will need it. I am hoping next week is 80's week (seems to be the pattern) and let's hope and pray no one picks a disco or latin song. I will choke anyone who sings "conga" or "rhythm's gonna get ya". Pick the right songs kids!
Rankings for this week:
Golden Arch
Daisy Hernandez
Crossword Cook
Chick-Fil-A Eze
Aussie Mike
Dreadlock Castro
Poser Carrico
Danny Norry Eggnog
Luke Save big $ at Menard
Jason Yeagermeister
If Skunky Yeager and Mcstubble Menard last another week, I am screaming conspiracy! However, Danny Eggnog and Chik Fleezy are not safe either.
ght ho-down. His landslide victory serves notice to the other yahoos that they better get their sh*t together. This group has great potential, but once again, I say it comes down to song choice. The 70's decade of music should have given the competitors a great selection to choose from, but from top to bottom, it had the sonic equivalent of mayonnaise pie.Now on to the individual doofus parade:
1. Outback Mike: The aussie tennis god sung Fleetwood Mac. It was not his best and his high notes were excruciating. He will be safe, but needs to pick up his game.
2. Dreadlock Castro: Put your hair and your guitar away and sing something memorable man!!! Dreds arguably has the most amount of talent on the show but as kind, medicated Paula said, he needs to sing it to bring it.
3. "Luke, I'm your FATHER" Menard: McStubbly is in an Acupuncture Boy Band. His high pitched wails and nashing of his 5 o'clock shadow won him no points with me, or the judges. Although Queen is a tough song to mimic, he version was merely annoying.
4 Poser Robbie Carrotglow: The judges still think he is a fake rocker. I'm not sure what to think, but he did a pretty vanilla version of Foreigner's Hot Blooded. He did not blow me away, and as a so-called rocker, ya gotta do just that.
5. Fruity Norieggnog: Another talented voice picking the wrong song for 2 weeks in a row. He/she thought about it wayyyy too much and it came across as tortured and grotessque. I was scraping cheese from my TV screen after this loony tune. His reactions to the judges are classic and hilarious.
6. Daisy Hernandez: Daisy used to be a gymnast in his past life. I thought this guy was toast after last week, but he redeemed himself with his performance. I am not really familiar with that song, but he sold it. Now, what the he11 is up with the hoodie and black blazer combination??
7. Skunky Yeagerbomb: Very vapid remake of the Doobies. I can't see him sticking around, but WTF do I know? His hammy theatrics and stage movement reminded me of a 6th Grade play. This was a stinker.
8. Chik-fil-a Eze: Another redemption last night as Chicko-stick did a very decent job on "I believe". I think the jury is still out however, and he is by no means safe. Also, he argues with Simon, which is never a good thing.
9. Crossword Cook: The scruffy-headed rocker is the real deal when it comes to rockin the house. However, he has the personality of an hemorraging disc. Just cuz you're a word nerd, doesn't mean you have to be a rude dude with a 'tude. And if you want to stay in the race, STOP arguing with Simon!!! DOLT!
10. The Golden Boy: Aww shucks, what's not to like about this kid? He is polite, kind, humble, respectful and loaded with talent. That makes him an anomaly in my book. His rendition of Lennon was moving and masterful. Archuleta for President!
So there ya have it---the bar has been set by "da kid". Good luck to the rest of you, because you will need it. I am hoping next week is 80's week (seems to be the pattern) and let's hope and pray no one picks a disco or latin song. I will choke anyone who sings "conga" or "rhythm's gonna get ya". Pick the right songs kids!
Rankings for this week:
Golden Arch
Daisy Hernandez
Crossword Cook
Chick-Fil-A Eze
Aussie Mike
Dreadlock Castro
Poser Carrico
Danny Norry Eggnog
Luke Save big $ at Menard
Jason Yeagermeister
If Skunky Yeager and Mcstubble Menard last another week, I am screaming conspiracy! However, Danny Eggnog and Chik Fleezy are not safe either.
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