Is it me, or were there more freaks than usual on Idol last night? The Idol freight train stopped off in in Freakadelphia and picked up its fair share of circus clowns, mentally disturbed inbreeders and the socially challenged. Of course, this is what makes the show the success that it is!
I must admit I was fooled by the first performer--the guy who dropped all that weight... He was actually pretty good, at least compared to the other punch-drunk monkeys on that night. There seemed to be no in-between in Philly. We had a few good performers and we had a bunch of knuckleheads. There wasn't really anyone on the fence here. I, however, think that at least two ladies were ripped off and should have been voted on to Hollywood.
Angry Glitterface: She did a pretty serviceable Grace Slick impersonation, that was better than about any other Grace Slick impersonation I've seen or heard. But since she is a bit nutty and looks like Willem DaFoe, she gets the boot. I think she has a strong career in "actressing" waiting for her though--she'll be fine.
AND
Princess Leia: May the FARCE be with you. What the he11 was wrong with her performance? It was as good or better than the Graylor Hicks backup singer that got voted through. YAWN--these backup singers make NyQuil seem more like Red Bull.
Other notables: The Century 21 real estate agent who sings REALLY LOW!!! Can this man hear his own voice? How can you take that seriously? Also the Paula stalker who made up the song about if he was Columbo, he would Peter Faulk her. If she was a bathtub, he would caulk her. That was awesome!!!! And some of these names---I think the parents are more screwed up than the kids! Temptress??? Are you effing kidding me? I think NOT! And she plays football too! How would you like to be a running back and they announce on the radio that you were taken out by someone named Temptress?
Were there any good singers? Well there was that kickboxing, horse-riding Kristy Lee Cook (who, incidentally has already made a record and put out a video, etc). This contest is for amateurs, right??? If they start bringing in semi-professionals who have records already, I'm not sure I'll be watching much longer!
One of my faves of the night was Beth Stalker (another stalker??). She was the blonde lady who sung Bewitched, Bothered, Beheaded, Bewilderbeast, whatever the he11 that song is called. I thought it was fantastic--Simon Scowl said no, but the other two voted her on. Sometimes that Simon is an idiot.
Overall, it was scary event and I would have hired way more security. There were a lot of bad singers and a few good ones. There was more than enough jack@sses and fruitloops. The guy who wore a cloak, only to reveal a fat, hairy belly-dancing nutjob was another schlub wanting his 15 minutes of fame, and we gave it to him!
Honestly, I don't see a winner coming from this bunch---I hope we never go back to Philly again--it's all CHEESE!!!!
Stay tuned for Part 2 - "Everything is dumber in Texas"
OUT
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